Winterfall

I couldn’t help but wonder around the castle halls as thoughts raced through my mind. I missed Théoden. I sensed him in my mind through the bond but he remained silent. I could sense he was fuming over the topic of a wedding dress. And to that, I didn’t blame him one bit.

If he was in the same situation I was in, I doubt I would be able to handle it as well as he has. I don’t even know how long I would stay in a relationship if he was me.

That aside, I missed Théo’s voice in my mind. Perhaps I should…no that be bad. I thought briefly about stopping by his office in the fourth ring but figured it best to let him sulk.

I mean I always could…no that’s a bad idea too.

I found myself wrestling with conflicting thoughts as I wandered through the castle’s grand halls. The idea of peering into Théoden’s vision to check on him crossed my mind, but I quickly dismissed it. I knew that if I attempted to do so, he would be aware of my intrusion. The last thing I wanted was to further fuel his anger or make him feel as though he was being intruded upon. I knew I needed to give him space to sulk and that was harder than it seemed.

I knew that Théoden's anger was unsettling. When he was truly enraged, his draconic blood combined with his innate aura of fear transformed him into a fearsome, almost otherworldly presence. This intensity was usually directed at those who deserved it—criminals or threats. But when his irritation and anger was directed at me, his silence was his most useful tool against me. His ability to shut me out, to block our bond entirely, created a deafening silence drove me insane. Thankfully for me, I had only experienced his true irritation and anger towards me a handful of times.

Being his rider was, well, more than just a title; it was a profound connection and responsibility. I felt a deep sense of duty to ensure his well-being, to be his anchor in times of turbulence. The disconnection that now existed between us was not just a physical or emotional barrier; it felt like a gaping chasm in my mental landscape. Théoden had effectively blocked me from our bond, and with this silence came an oppressive stillness that made my own thoughts feel unnervingly loud in contrast.

Now, he did not do this often but when he did it with what he felt was reason. Often blocking me from seeing devastating scenes but now he let his emotions get the best of him and blocked me out of jealousy. Thankfully, I knew this was only temporary but that didn’t mean I liked it.

I hate this, you know. You shut me off like this. I know you are mad, I know you are jealous, but silence?

I knew he blocked the telepathic communication for the time being so I didn’t even know if he would get the message. I had hoped he would at least understand the pain I was feeling of being shut out due to something I could not control.

You think I like Marcel being here? I hate it! If I didn’t agree to go with this, we would have been dead already. I did this for us. I did this for us to have a chance at a future! I cried through the bond. I missed him desperately and I needed to know if he was alright.

I mean the bond gave me a bit of awareness that he was alive and a general sense of location. However, that is all I got.

I walked for a good hour in the castle halls trying to get through to him. Practically begging him to answer me, which failed. My heart hurt. Lost in my own thoughts, I somehow found myself back in front of Marcel’s door.

What am I doing here? Am I that lonely that I crawled back to his door?

I stared at his door and thought about knocking on it but when the smell of brimstone bled through the door cracks I quickly retreated back down the hall. No way in hell was I going to find comfort from the devil.

So I found comfort in my own room curled up in a ball on my bed. I stared out my stained glass window and cried.

Théo? Please…I hate this so much.

Please let me at least see what you are doing love. I am sorry.

I tightened my grip on my knees as the weight of my heart left me feeling like my chest was collapsing. His jealousy was something that I knew I was going to dread over the next few months.

I let my body rest as I drifted in and out of consciousness. Occasionally trying to peer through the bond to see what Théo was doing and if he was alright.

Love, I am sorry.

I often said through the bond during my period of in and out of consciousness. I hoped that my apologies would make him see I felt horrible.

Dear, please forgive me.

However, my constant pleas for forgiveness were left without a response.

Please tell me you still love me.

I tried one more time to peer into his vision through the bond before giving up for the time being. And to my surprise, I was able to get through.