READ WEBNOVEL Chapter 92: Awakening (2)
Only 10 days remained until the end of the semester.
Asena was surprised at how well she was able to control her emotions. It was much better than she had expected.
Contrary to her belief that it would be difficult to suppress her anger, she was spending the remaining time without needless conflicts with anyone.
Seeing Daisy or Judy, whom she had despised so much, did make her uncomfortable due to their closeness with Cayden. However, it wasn’t unbearable. As long as they weren’t getting chummy with Cayden right in front of her, she could tolerate it for the time being.
It felt like walking on a tightrope. As if she would explode if someone so much as touched her—but since no one did, she could remain subdued.
...And she was cautious in her own way. Especially around Daisy, knowing full well that any news about her would surely reach Cayden.
Her current discomfort around them was bearable, and that’s why she was enduring it. If that dam were to burst, she might just spill everything she had been holding back.
If that happened, the gravity of her actions wouldn’t be light, and it would be unlikely that news of her behavior wouldn’t reach Cayden’s ears.
Today, once again, Asena couldn’t focus on her class as she watched Daisy.
But what bothered her even more was the fact that Daisy wasn’t asking about Cayden, who had suddenly disappeared.
The fact that Daisy, his fiancée, wasn’t inquiring about his whereabouts made her angry—it seemed like Daisy didn’t care about him.
Of course, it’s not like Asena wanted Daisy to care… She herself was confused by her own feelings on this.
She wished that Daisy wasn’t by Cayden’s side, but her lack of concern for him was, in its own way, infuriating as well.
Cayden wasn’t someone to be treated so lightly. It bothered her that Daisy was so cavalier with someone as precious as her brother.
“......”
Of course, Asena speculated that there must be a definite reason for Daisy’s silence.
And perhaps that was what irritated her the most.
Deep down, there was a truth she wanted to reject.
Knowing Cayden as she did, it was possible that he had explained the situation to his fiancée Daisy before leaving.
He might have cautioned her not to be surprised, laying out the reasons for his absence.
So, the reason Daisy wasn’t asking anything might be that he had explained everything clearly before departing.
Asena shook her head.
… She didn’t want to accept that reality. Cayden had left her without any explanation, without any note.
Only much later after his disappearance did a single letter arrive.
He had left without giving her, his family, any explanations, but he had explained everything to Daisy before leaving?
She didn’t want to believe it. Even though it was a plausible speculation, she didn’t want to accept it.
Even knowing that there was a reason he hadn’t come to see her. Even knowing that there was a reason he hadn’t even visited Keirsey, childishly, she didn’t want to accept that reality.
She didn’t bother to ask and dig for the truth. If she found out something she couldn’t bear, she would just end up furious.
She didn’t want to know that there was a woman whom Cayden cared for more than he did for her.
So, Asena deliberately avoided having conversations with Daisy. And Daisy did the same.
The time when they could converse with each other with smiles, even if feigned, was now behind them.
****
“....Cayden?”
A familiar voice pulls me out of my reverie.
“Hm? Lawrence?”
Sir Lawrence, who taught me swordsmanship, walks into my room, donned in light armor.
“What are you so deep in thought about?”
“......”
Lately, all I’ve been thinking about is my siblings. The turbulent emotions that once had me unsettled have finally calmed. Instead, as I wandered around our domain, I realized how close we had been.
Every nook and cranny was soaked in memories. The spot where Asena would secretly go to cry. The places where Keirsey would clumsily get hurt. Their favorite havens, and so on.
I’ve come to understand, at least to some extent, why they might have developed feelings towards me.
Yes, if Asena was right and they never considered me family from the start, then I would have just been a close older brother figure since childhood.
...Of course, these are the things I can only accept by understanding this way. Because, if I take Asena and Keirsey’s words at face value, then they developed feelings for me simply as a stranger. Asena said she never once thought of me as her brother, but that just meant she saw me as a man.
In any case, I’ve been trying to understand these emotions they’ve come to harbor for me, even while seeing me as their older brother. Because for me, they’ve always been my sisters.
However, this isn’t something I can easily discuss with Lawrence, so I skirt around the topic.
“...No.”
“Thinking about Lady Asena and Lady Keirsey, perhaps?”
But evasiveness is pointless. We’ve crossed swords so many times that we know each other all too well.
I let out a faint chuckle.
“....Why ask when you already know?”
There’s no point in beating around the bush when Lawrence will know I’m lying. I decided not to hide the truth any longer.
“Well, if you’re thinking about someone, it’s usually your siblings.”
“......”
“...Oh? Or perhaps it’s your fiancée you’re thinking of.”
“...Think what you will. So, what brings you here?”
Ignoring his teasing with a smile, I ask why he came to see me.
He reaches behind him and pulls out two letters.
“Two more letters came today.”
“......”
I don’t ask who they’re from. It’s a given.
Asena and Keirsey.
They still miss me.
Unable to bear even a brief separation, they’ve sent me letters, almost like lovers would.
Mixed feelings stir within me.
I know this shouldn’t be happening... but it doesn’t feel bad.
Even though I should be repulsed, should push them away, in the end, I can’t bring myself to do it.
The love I’ve showered them with was too immense. And the time I’ve spent trying to understand them too long for me to just push them away now.
“......”
That said, I didn’t let it show.
The servants are unaware that the twins have feelings for me.
With their impending return, perhaps it’s better to get used to the idea of a significant change. But I can’t bring myself to discuss it with anyone. Neither can I bring myself to completely resent the twins.
In the end... whether or not I resent them changes nothing either; I can’t reciprocate their feelings anyway.
Maybe this is the last trial. While I am away, the twins might achieve their final growth.
Awkwardly scratching my chin, I couldn’t ask him anything other than the mundane.
“Why are you delivering this? Where did Max go?”
“Ah, that Max... It seems it’s time to give him a good scolding.”
“Why?”
“He approached me and chucked the letters at me, asking me to deliver them to you. I don’t know since when, but he’s started taking me too lightly.”
I burst out laughing.
“Of course, he takes you lightly, Lawrence. Here you are, grumbling, but you still delivered them, didn’t you?”
I took the letters he handed to me and placed them on the table.
Lawrence responded with a slight smile to my words.
“So, is that all you came for?”
At my question, he nodded.
“Thanks then. You can go now. Oh, and help me with some training later.”
“.......”
He didn’t answer, his expression slowly hardening. Hadn’t he said his task was done?
Seeing my confusion, he posed a question.
“...Yes, I’ve finished my task, but... I have a personal question. I’m not sure if it’s out of line... I’m just curious.”
Our family shared a particularly strong bond with all the people working in the mansion. So, even if Lawrence hadn’t asked, I could guess what he wanted to know. And indeed…
“.....Did something happen?”
“.......”
I wanted to say nothing had happened, but the words wouldn’t come out. Moreover, even if I tried to hide it now, he’d know I was lying. When the twins return, he’ll eventually find out the truth I’ve been hiding.
So, I didn’t bother denying it.
“....Aren’t you... going to write back?”
He pressed on with another question.
I received more than five letters every day from the twins. Two consistently from Asena, and more than three from Keirsey.
Yet I never once sent a reply. I believed it wasn’t the time. Even when words I longed to say came to me and I lifted my pen, I eventually set it down again.
All the words I wanted to say were kept locked within my heart. I also didn’t want to unknowingly give them false hope. I didn’t want to make them expect more or hurt them further.
So once again, I offered Lawrence nothing more than a smile.
“Well, the kids will return eventually, Lawrence.”
“......”
At that moment, Max breezed through the door with light footsteps.
“Oh, Sir Lawrence! You’re here. Ah, did you bring the letters?”
Lawrence’s expression turned grim, then playful.
“You...! Max, if you could come up here like this, you could have delivered them yourself!”
“Don’t you know I was giving you and young master a chance for a conversation?”
“......”
After a momentary glance at me, Lawrence responded in a voice that had lost some of its vigor.
“....I doubt you thought that deeply about it.”
“You’re right. I just asked because I was lazy.”
“You...!”
Caught by Max’s prank, Lawrence flushed, but I burst into laughter.
Seeing me laugh heartily, Max approached me with a wistful expression, soothing Lawrence along the way.
“Lord Cayden, here are your letters.”
Suppressing my laughter, I asked him.
“Again?”
“This time, it’s not from young ladies.”
“Ah.”
That leaves Daisy or Judy.
Max presented the letters. There were two. So, it must be from both of them.
I still felt sorry for them.
Of course, there was no reason for me to feel guilty about returning to my hometown, but something still felt uneasy.
...Ah. Maybe it’s because I left the villainous twins behind.
Anyway, after accepting their letters, I requested.
“Max, bring me some paper and ink.”
I hadn’t sent any replies to the twins... but I felt the need to respond to these two.
****
Asena lay on her bed again tonight, staring at the letter from Cayden.
She had looked at it until the paper had faded, but each time she felt different emotions—it was, after all, his only trace left with her.
She had read and memorized every word written in the letter.
Devoid of any affectionate words, the letter was stiff and formal, but that was okay. The fact remained that he had written it while thinking of them.
“.....”
Still, a sense of longing remained. How wonderful it would be if he could write just one more letter. If only he would send just one more proof that he was thinking of them.
-Knock, knock.
The sound of a knock made the candlelight in her room flicker.
“...Why?”
When she asked, a voice came from the other side of the door.
-‘...Unnie.’
As soon as she heard that voice, Asena let out an irritated sigh.
“...No, Keirsey.”
-‘...Unnie, please.’
“Today is my day to have Oppa’s letter, isn’t it?”
-‘...I’ll only look at it for a moment. Just lend it to me for a bit.’
She bit her lower lip.
She didn’t want to engage in such childish fights. It felt like kids fighting over a beloved doll—But here they were, fighting over Cayden’s single letter as if it were the most precious thing in the world.
Even so, she hated that she had to act this way. True to her nature, she wanted to just give it over, but the letter was too precious to let go of so easily.
This was the first time they had been apart, and consequently, the first letter she had ever received from him.
She couldn’t easily part with that first letter.
“...Didn’t you have it yesterday? It’s all about you, isn’t it?”
‘.........’
There was a moment of silence from Keirsey on the other side of the door.
After waiting for what felt like an eternity, Keirsey finally spoke.
-‘...Sorry.’
Asena let out a long sigh.
“...Go back and sleep. I’ll give it to you tomorrow.”
-‘...Okay.’
Asena lay her head back on the pillow. Keirsey’s petulance was soon forgotten.
Looking at the letter from Cayden, thinking of him, missing him… Asena slowly drifted off to sleep.
--- End Of The Chapter ---
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