READ WEBNOVEL Chapter 90: Exposed (5)
“...Is it because of me…?”
The light in Judy’s eyes seemed to fade as she questioned me.
I spoke quickly to disabuse her of any strange notions.
“...No, Judy. It’s not because of you.”
However, it seemed like Judy didn’t believe my words. Her eyes didn’t change; if anything, they only grew darker. However, I couldn’t tell if it was because self-loathing was washing over her, or if she was heartbroken because things weren’t going as she hoped.
She persisted in asking me, as if determined to hear the truth.
“...Then what is the reason?”
To explain this, I had to talk about the twins. Daisy already knew, so I had no choice but to confess, but I didn’t want to tell Judy.
Being loved by the twins was not something to be proud of.
After all, why would anyone dislike the fact that such beautiful girls loved them?
The problem is, and it should go without saying, that I’m not a stranger to them. I’m their older brother, and they are my younger sisters.
So I wanted nobody to know about this complicated relationship that had gotten so twisted.
Judy might not tell anyone, but if this secret spreads through gossip, it would make things unbearably complicated.
“…It’s a personal matter.”
So, I skirted around the reason.
Upon hearing my answer, Judy clenched her teeth.
As expected, it was a response that could only deepen misunderstandings.
I wasn’t even sure why I was doing this, but I began to make excuses for her.
“...Judy, it really isn’t because of you. I’m leaving due to personal reasons, truly.”
“...Then tell me. What is this ‘personal matter’?”
“...I can’t tell you.”
“...So it is because of me.”
“...Judy, it really isn’t! Can’t you just trust me?”
“How can I trust you when you won’t tell me the reason? You’re just lying to spare my feelings, aren’t you?”
I had no choice but to offer her a subtle hint in the end.
“...It’s because of the twins...!”
But even that didn’t convince her.
“...I can’t believe it, Cayden.”
“Trust me, Judy.”
“I can’t.”
Judy took a step closer to me. The familiar scent of her, which I’d come to know from long hours spent training together in the arena, wafted over me.
She let go of my arm and crossed her arms over her abdomen.
“....We’re friends, aren’t we? At one point, we were even closer than that...”
“....”
“We’ve been that close, Cayden. Until now, we’ve been each other’s strength.”
“....”
“In the past, when you had worries about your siblings, wasn’t I the first one you opened up to?”
“....”
“So how am I supposed to take it if you can’t talk to me now? I want to trust you, but this feeling makes it impossible to erase any doubt. Say that I’m the bad one for not trusting you; I don’t care... But I don’t want to keep feeling this uneasy. If you’re not going to tell me the reason now, say it clearly: that you don’t like me.”
It was obvious to anyone that despite asking herself, Judy didn’t want to hear those words.
Her face - trying to hide her emotions - had a pained expression.
Her hands - clenched in fists - trembled due to too much force.
Just by looking at her, I could feel her emotions pouring out.
“...Judy.”
“I want to know the truth. Leaving without telling me the reason, that’s just... too much. It means we can no longer share secrets or worries.”
“That’s not it-”
“-Weren’t you the one who said, ‘Let’s stick together as friends who are in the same position’?”
She spat out my words, the very words she had loved so much.
“Weren’t we... fond of each other?”
She brought up the feelings from just a few days ago. Feelings that I, too, vividly remembered but hid from her.
“Was it really so wrong that... I kissed you? You...”
She bit her lip, gripping her elbow tightly with her fingernails.
Lowering her head, she hid her expression. And then she whispered softly,
“...you were supposed to be mine, you know.”
“.......”
At this point, I couldn’t stand by and watch her any longer. Seeing her nails dig into her flesh, I gently encircled the back of her hand with my own.
Judy looked up at me at the touch.
Her eyes were shimmering, although she wasn’t crying; the bridge of her nose was flushed.
I found my hand touching her cheek, then, startled by my own actions, I hastily pulled it away and clenched it into a fist.
“...Judy, my siblings say they love me.”
“........”
Judy looked at me for a moment and then quietly asked,
“...So?”
“...Yes?”
“...I don’t see what that has to do with what’s happening now. It’s strange to hear that the twins who were tormenting you actually liked you, but even so—”
Seeing Judy take it so lightly, I immediately realized she had misunderstood. I added to my explanation,
“—No, that’s not it...”
“.......”
“...They see me as a man.”
Judy’s body stiffened instantly.
It seemed she finally understood the meaning of my words.
The disappointed expression she’d shown me earlier vanished in an instant, replaced only by a look of confusion and surprise.
“Judy... that’s why I didn’t want to say anything. It’s not that I don’t consider you a friend.”
“.......”
“...I...”
I started to speak, unsure how to navigate this awkward situation, but then swallowed my words back down.
There’s no time. This isn’t a problem I should be burdening her with.
Now that the misunderstanding was cleared up, it was time for me to leave.
“...So... I’m trying to distance myself from the twins. As long as I’m here at the academy, they’ll keep approaching me. They... need some time to take a breather.”
“......”
“...So that’s why I’m leaving. You understand, right?”
Judy didn’t respond for a while. Understandably, this wasn’t easy information to digest.
Once she’d composed herself, I took a long look at her.
“...I should go then. Take care, Judy.”
And with that, I turned around.
At that moment, she embraced me from behind.
The touch and the emotions felt familiar—Like that night when Judy had embraced me after learning that Daisy was chosen to be my next fiancee.
Perhaps it was her personality playing a role in this—outwardly tough, but inwardly sensitive and easily frightened.
She couldn’t bring herself to do it while facing me, but she could while facing my back.
“...I have one question.”
Despite the shocking news, all she asked for was a single answer.
“...Are you coming back?”
“...What?”
“Are you coming back or not?”
“......”
I couldn’t answer. I’d told Daisy that I would return, but that promise was made to her.
Whether I could return to Judy or the academy was uncertain.
If I can’t resolve the issue with the twins, I won’t be able to attend the academy they’re bound to graduate from.
In the first place, graduation from the academy doesn’t hold much weight for someone who’s going to be a commoner. Of course, having a diploma would be beneficial if I intend to walk with my head held high as Daisy’s companion, but ultimately, my strength will be demonstrated in my capacity as a knight.
As I didn’t answer, Judy burst into a bittersweet mix of laughter and tears.
“Ah...seriously...ugh...”
“.......”
“...Cayden, why is my life so hard?”
As she vented her pain, my heart ached in response, as if it were my own sorrow.
“...I’m alone in my family, and now I’m alone here too...ugh...”
She didn’t lash out at me or throw a tantrum like she used to. Perhaps she refrained because she understood my situation in her own way.
It was heartbreaking to see Judy put aside her own stubbornness, thinking of me. It was yet another affirmation of her gentle nature.
Still, she couldn’t help but show her pain, as if expressing her troubles was unavoidable.
As she continued speaking, tears streamed down onto my back.
“I never knew relying on someone could be this comforting...I never knew having someone on my side could feel this reassuring... But now... what do I do?”
“.........”
I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Anything I would say would feel like hypocrisy.
She leaned on me for a long moment, burying her face in my back, then took a deep breath and pushed me away.
“...Judy?”
Turning around, I saw Judy wiping the corners of her eyes. Unlike before, her shoulders were squared confidently, her posture as upright as a knight’s.
“...Go.”
She wore a look on her face similar to when we first met.
That stern, steely expression, as if she’d resolved to stand on her own two feet.
“Go, Cayden. Thank you for everything.”
Seeing her face, something twisted inside me.
I felt utterly pathetic for making her wear that expression again. I felt so sorry for Judy, who was wearing that look. Because even if her face was the same as before, the depth of her emotional scars would be different.
In the end, I couldn’t bring myself to walk away.
I moved towards her, the woman who had pushed me away.
Judy’s resolve crumbled almost instantly at my approach. Once again, her face collapsed into an expression filled with unbearable sorrow. Though she covered her mouth with the back of her hand, she couldn’t hide the fact that she was crying.
Wanting desperately to change that expression, my hand moved on its own accord.
Gently, my fingers touched the cheek they’d hastily pulled away from earlier.
As tears flowed anew, Judy clasped the hand that was touching her cheek.
I made her a promise.
“...Judy, I can’t make many promises.”
“...S-sob...I...I told you to go...I’ve made up my mind...”
“...But I promise you this.”
“...Uh-huh...hng...”
“...I’ll come back for you.”
Judy listened intently to my words as she rubbed her cheek against my hand.
“...Do you trust me now?”
Slowly, ever so slowly, she nodded.
“...I do.”
****
Asena and Keirsey sat at the table with a letter between them.
It was a letter from their grandmother, but they were focused on just one fact.
Cayden had returned to their territory.
Their grandmother had advised them to take a breath. To cool their heads and reconsider. That now was not the right time to be together. To think things over.
Eventually, Keirsey stood up from her seat.
“...I can’t take it anymore...I...I want to go to Oppa.”
Asena was the one who hurriedly grabbed Keirsey’s hand as she turned away sharply.
“...Stay here, Keirsey.”
Although Asena herself didn’t look entirely composed, she was much calmer compared to Keirsey.
“Do you think this is okay, Unnie?”
Keirsey’s voice brimmed with frustration.
Asena, though shaken, did not lose her poise.
“...Like Grandma said, we need time to breathe.”
“What do you mean, ‘time to breathe?’ I can’t even catch my breath right now!”
“...Neither Can I, but...but Oppa needs time to breathe.”
Frustrated, Keirsey stomped her foot as she spoke.
“What are you talking about? Don’t you see that Oppa is getting ready to leave us? If he’s not taking a breather but preparing to leave us, then what are we going to do? Tell me, Unnie!”
Asena’s piercing eyes met Keirsey’s. She spoke with an odd certainty.
“Oppa hasn’t left us yet. At the very least...we’ll have a chance to see him back at home. So, sit down...!”
“How can you be so sure!”
“Because I saw him before he left!”
Finally, Asena couldn’t hold back and raised her voice.
“...What?”
“...”
Asena clenched her fists tightly.
“When you were holed up in your room, crying and wailing, I went to Oppa.”
With that, Asena too rose from her seat. Their eyes clashed in the air.
But for the first time, Asena began to falter. It wasn’t that Keirsey’s momentum was particularly strong; Asena was just beginning to crumble on her own.
As if recalling the memory was painful, her eyes quivered.
“He told me... he told me... that he never loved me, that he hated me. He lied...”
Asena spoke. It tormented her to utter those words herself, yet she was desperate to assert they were untrue. She spoke as if saying it aloud would allow her to breathe.
“...”
“...I couldn’t bear it, so I hugged him.”
Keirsey twitched for a moment. Somehow, it bothered her that while she came to her senses to find him gone, Asena had managed to embrace him before he left.
Asena looked into Keirsey’s eyes as she spoke.
“...Don’t look at me like that. You would have hugged him too. What’s important... what’s important is that in the end, he stopped pushing me away. He couldn’t push me away any further... his body was trembling.”
Asena looked down at her arms as if recalling the trembling body of her brother, Cayden. She trembled as she brought up that horrific memory.
“...I fainted right after... and when I woke up, I was in the infirmary. Keirsey... if he really hated me, he wouldn’t have taken me to the infirmary, right?”
Now Asena wasn’t just sharing her experience with Keirsey; she was demanding an answer. It was as if she was hoping for Keirsey to corroborate her story.
Even so, Asena didn’t wait for Keirsey’s response.
She nodded to herself, drawing her own conclusion.
“...Yes, that has to be it. He still loves us... loves me. He must be conflicted too. He needs time... so don’t even think about following him.”
Keirsey stood rigid for a moment before coldly responding.
“...That might be true for you.”
“...What?”
“Because your last memory with him is hugging him, because when you woke up, you had this assurance that he took care of you... That’s why you can be patient.”
“...”
“Me... it’s different for me! My last memory with him is him telling me to leave!”
Tears spilled from Keirsey’s eyes.
“Do you have any guarantee that Oppa is conflicted like you said? What if he’s just preparing to leave? What if I trust you and he ends up deciding to leave us... No, leave me? Then my last memory of him will be of him telling me to get lost!”
Her words hung heavy in the air, suffused with the weight of their unspoken fears.
Keirsey sank to the floor, her fist clenched over her heart.
“...Sob! How... how am I supposed to bear this? It feels like I’m going to die. How can you tell me to wait?”
Keirsey was the first to collapse, crumbling onto the ground.
Asena followed suit, dropping to her knees beside her.
Wiping away her tears, Keirsey managed to say,
“I get it...I understand. I know what you’re saying is right... I also know that he needs time. But it’s so hard for me. The idea that he might hate me is unbearable...”
Keirsey choked back her sobs, a stark contrast to how freely she used to cry in front of Cayden.
Without Cayden around, she couldn’t even cry freely. Losing the person she could lean on made even crying a struggle.
For Keirsey, shedding tears like this had been a rare occurrence for quite some time.
The last time must have been when her parents left her.
Whether she was in front of her grandmother, the head maid Helen, or the butler Thein, she had held back her tears since she was young.
For some inexplicable reason, she hadn’t wanted to cry.
But everything changed when Cayden appeared. She had cried in front of him, laughed in front of him...
And now that he was gone, she was reverting back to her former self.
She was barely holding on, buoyed only by the faint hope that she might see him again when she returned home.
Asena’s hand moved towards Keirsey’s trembling shoulder but then slowly retreated.
She wasn’t strong enough to console anyone at the moment.
To possess that kind of strength, she needed her Oppa.
Asena stood up silently, watching Keirsey.
She felt like she was about to burst into tears herself.
Like Keirsey, the only place she could cry now that Cayden was gone was in her own room.
Leaving Keirsey alone, Asena slowly entered her room.
Just before she did, she saw Keirsey, kneeling and leaning forward on the ground. Her face was buried in her arms, as she stifled her sobs.
For the first time in their lives, Cayden had been torn away from them.
--- End Of The Chapter ---
[T/N: Join Patreon to support the translation and to read upto 10 chapters ahead of the release: https://www.patreon.com/DylanVittori ]