To Own The Libs

 

I slammed the door behind me as I entered my dorm room.

“Fuck!” I swore loudly. “Fuck! Fuck!” I threw my backpack on my bed; it bounced, hit the wall, and fell to the floor with a loud thud. I swore a couple more times, for good measure.

“Whoa there!” my room-mate Joe said, pulling down his earphones and looking up from a textbook. “Everything okay, bro?”

“No, everything is not okay,” I replied, anger in my voice. “What clued you in to that?”

He smirked. “You’re always very loud in your disappointment, and this time in particular. How many fucks was that? Four, five?”

“Lost count,” I said with a grimace. “The ones you heard were the last ones, I must have said the word a hundred times just today.”

“And what got you so upset?”

“What else? That bitch Anna, of course.”

“Ah,” Joe said. “Alright. And what did she do this time?”

I noticed he wasn’t looking up from his book – the only way I knew he was paying attention was because he hadn’t put his earphones back on. To be honest, I kinda hated this part of him.

I flopped down onto my bed, sighing. “Well, we were in social studies class, right?” I said. “And the professor asked us to debate the pros and cons of self-ID.”

My room-mate frowned. “Of what?”

“Self-ID,” I repeated.

“What the fuck is self-ID? This is the first time I’ve heard the term.”

“The teacher went over it briefly, it’s when you allow people to declare their own ‘gender identity,’ whatever the fuck that is. Basically you say that you’re a man or a woman, and people are supposed to just accept that declaration as fact, sight unseen.”

Joe paused for a moment before answering; he looked up from his textbook at me, and gave me a puzzled stare. “That can’t be right,” he said. “You can’t just take what people say at face value without proof. People lie.”

“Right,” I nodded. “And get this: part of the class – most of it, in fact – said that overall self-ID is a net positive, because it allows a ‘transgender person’…” Joe visibly sneered at the term “…to have his or her identity recognised, without having to jump through bureaucratic or legal hoops.” I took a deep breath. “But that’s just wrong, isn’t it?”

“It is,” my room-mate agreed.

“Because while it’s true that there is a small minority of people who would benefit from this, the vast majority of people who would self-declare their gender would be… Perverts. Men, trying to get into women's bathrooms and changing rooms.” I said. “And don’t even get me started on all this non-binary nonsense. How can someone say they are neither a man nor a woman? There are only two sexes after all,” I continued angrily. “And I said as much to the class.”

“So? What happened?”

“Well, the argument got quite heated, until it was mostly me and Anna shouting back and forth at each other. Because she just refuses to recognise the truth! And then…” I sighed. “And then the professor told me I was being too aggressive, and told me to back off, and to come back when I had a more ‘cogent argument,’ as he put it.”

Joe slowly nodded. “So they wouldn’t debate you. Anna wouldn’t debate you.”

“Right,” I nodded back. “They had no way to deny what I was saying was true, so they just dismissed the whole thing out of hand. Refused to address my points.”

Joe leaned forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I know how it feels. I just don’t know how people could just refuse to see the truth for what it is.”

“Right?” I exclaimed. “I mean, everything is plain as day, the best modern philosophers have explained it in very simple terms, and yet…” I sighed one more time. “I can barely stand it any longer.”

“Why don’t you drop the class?” Joe asked. “After all, it’s their loss if they can’t recognise the truth when it stares them in the face, and dismiss your arguments without even addressing them. Why don’t you just leave?”

“I need the credits,” I replied. “I haven't picked up enough classes this semester, and I really need to pass this one, otherwise I’ll be in hot water. I think I’ll just fudge it and fake it, pretend I agree with what they are saying, to get good marks. But it’s wrong.”

“It is,” my room-mate nodded in agreement. “You shouldn’t have to pretend.”

“But I do.”

Joe held my gaze for a moment, and then sighed. “Well, you know what the president said, right? It is what it is.”

I hesitated for a moment before replying. My room-mate was absolutely convinced the latest election had been stolen, and thus the current liberal sitting in the White House wasn’t the rightful president, but I disagreed – there was simply no way to cheat an election on such a scale. We’d butted heads on this a few times, and right at that moment I decided not to press the issue, so I just nodded.

“That bitch Anna really got to you this time,” Joe said.

I sighed. “Yeah,” I said. “And I’m sorry for coming in here and getting you down, too.”

He shrugged. “No biggie,” he replied. “I know how these things are, it’s no use letting them get to you. And I know how to cheer you up, bro: there’s a party at the Theta Omega Tau frat house tonight, wanna go? There will be booze.”

“Will there?” I asked; when Joe nodded, I smirked. “I’m in, then.”

Well, at least that was a positive thing about college: even though we were both freshmen, and thus underage, alcohol was readily available to us, we just had to know where to look for it. And I’d gotten used to imbibing at least a bit of beer, wine, and liquor each and every day – it helped me drown out the constant low-key emotional noise I always felt in a comfortable hung-over numbness, and focus on my studies, which I couldn’t have done otherwise. (I honestly had no idea how I even got through high school.)

“Alrighty then,” Joe said, then he looked at his watch. “Let me just get changed, and then we’ll head out.”

I gave him a smirk. “Why, what’s wrong with a tracksuit?”

He smirked back. “Well, unlike someone, I wanna wear something more classy. You know, in case there are any ladies at the party.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that; despite the name, Theta Omega Tau’s parties are always boring sausagefests,” I replied. “And besides, what’s wrong with jeans and a sweatshirt?”

“They’re ugly,” he said. “They make you look like a formless blob.”

I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “Well, maybe I like looking like a formless blob.”

“Suit yourself,” Joe shrugged; he shed his tracksuit’s jacket and started pulling off his T-shirt. I hurriedly turned around to avoid having to look at his naked chest: for whatever reason, seeing male bodies, even my own, always sent me in a depressive mood. I’d noticed this was the case soon after starting junior high, and as a consequence I’d started avoiding looking at naked – or half-naked – men; I’d also become very good at changing clothes with my eyes closed.

When I first explained this to Joe he told me I was weird, because there’s absolutely nothing wrong with men being naked in each other’s presence (“What are you going to do when you’re in a changing room, at the gym or at the pool?” Well, for starters, I just don’t go to those places), but in the end he just stopped mentioning it.

“Ready,” he said, and I turned around again: he’d put on his best jeans and shirt, and as I watched he pulled out the fedora he always wore when he was out of the dorm room and put it on, carefully adjusting its position on top of his head while looking in the mirror. “Alright, this is fine. Shall we go?”

I nodded. “Yeah, let’s.”

-----

“Cheers!” I exclaimed, as I clinked my bottle against Joe’s, who immediately chugged down the contents. I frowned: he was already on his seventh beer, and we had been at the party for less than an hour. I myself was on my third one – I was a lightweight compared to my room-mate – but the speed with which he imbibed alcohol worried me quite a bit.

“You sure you shouldn’t slow down a bit?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Nah, why should I? There’s no harm in getting a bit drunk,” he replied, reaching over and grabbing his eighth beer of the night. “You know what they say, ninety-nine bottles and everything. Beer is made to be drunk.”

Personally I disagreed; while I enjoyed getting a nice buzz and drowning out my emotions, I could recognise when too much was too much, but I just shook my head and didn’t comment further. “So what are your plans for the weekend?” I asked instead. “It’s already Friday, we should decide if we want to go somewhere or just spend it on campus.”

“Way ahead of you,” he answered. “I’m going away for the weekend with some guys from my physics class, I’ll be back on Sunday evening. What about you?”

“Nothing, really,” I said. “I think I’ll just stay here and study, since you’ll be away and I’ll have free rein of our dorm room.”

“You should come with us!” Joe exclaimed. “Have some fun, and be among men for a while.”

I very briefly considered that. Very briefly. Spending two days with a bunch of dudes, most of which I barely knew, if at all? Just going around doing… ‘manly things,’ whatever that meant? No thanks.

“I’ll take a rain check,” I answered instead.

Joe shrugged. “Ah well, your loss.”

“Well, hello, boys,” a voice said from behind me. “Fancy meeting you here tonight.”

I froze, feeling my blood run cold.

“Oh, hi, Anna!” Joe said, looking over my shoulder, and then at me, giving me a smirk. “How are you?”

“I’m quite well, thank you,” she replied.

Joe was still looking at me, and I sighed and turned around. “Anna. Hi.”

“Hi yourself,” she replied, her cool steel-grey eyes looking down at me from her full six feet of height.

Anna was a stunning woman. Tall, lean, with close-cropped hair, dyed a deep violet. She also had a very nice style in her choice of clothes – all in black, most of it leather, which was a stunning look. She was the kind of woman I really admired, and could see myself dating.

Too bad she was a liberal-brained, PC-poisoned lesbian.

“How are you doing?” Anna asked. “Have you thought about what we talked about this afternoon in class?”

I grit my teeth. “I did, yes.”

She smiled at me. “So how about it? Are you enlightened yet?”

I grumbled, but said nothing.

“By the way, have you met my theyfriend?” she continued. “I think you’ll like them.”

Joe tilted his head to the side. “’Theyfriend’?” he asked. “What’s a theyfriend?”

“Let me introduce you,” Anna said; then she looked around the crowd in the frat house’s living room, and waved someone over. “Hey, Elanor! Over here!”

I turned to look at the person approaching us, and gave a start of surprise.

Tall – at least as tall as Anna, but taller at the moment due to the heels they were wearing – but with a large, muscular frame, which contrasted with Anna’s slimness; blonde, shoulder-length, carefully-styled hair, and a large pair of hazel eyes, framed by carefully-applied make-up. And they were wearing a long dress, which came down to the floor.

“This is Elanor,” Anna said, gesturing at the newcomer. “My theyfriend. Don’t they look nice?” She leaned over, and gave Elanor a peck on the lips.

I stared at Elanor for a moment, and then my mouth – fueled by booze – moved faster than my brain.

“Are you a man or a woman?” I asked.

Elanor frowned for a moment, but then answered, in a deep voice: “Neither. I’m non-binary.”

“Ha!” Joe scoffed. “As if!”

Anna frowned in turn. “What, we got a problem?”

“Yes, we do,” Joe replied. “That’s not a real thing.”

“Well, plenty of people seem to think it is,” Anna said, her frown turning into a scowl. “And it’s been a real thing for literally millennia, there’s clear historical proof of non-binary people even in ancient civilisations.”

“Well, maybe such things should be left in the past,” my room-mate said.

“Or maybe it’s just you being a small-minded bigot,” Anna shot back, a smirk forming on her lips.

I could see Joe’s face go red: the booze went right to his head, and he lost control. “Shut the fuck up, you dyke!” he shouted loudly.

Too loudly. Everyone in the room stopped and turned to look at us; the only noise was the slowly pulsating background music.

Joe seemed to realise what he’d done. “I… Uh…” he said, looking around, clearly embarrassed.

As I’d done a few times before, I took charge; I grabbed the beer from his hand and set it down on a nearby table along with mine, then grabbed him by the arm and dragged away. “Come on, let’s go,” I said as I guided him out of the house. Then, as an afterthought, I turned back and looked at Anna and Elanor: “Excuse us,” I finished, and then I closed the door behind us.

-----

“I honestly can’t believe it,” I said as we half-stumbled through the door to our dorm room, my words slurred by the booze coursing through my veins. “That was supposed to be a woman?”

“Nuh… Not a woman,” Joe drawled back. “You heard him. He’s non-binary or sumthin’.”

I waved my hand dismissively. “Saaaaaaaaaaame difference,” I replied, drawing the first word out. “Remember, bud, there’s only men and women. Nothing else. And she clearly wasn’t a man, so she must have been a woman.”

Joe’s eyes stared into the void for a second, completely unfocused, as he tried to concentrate; in the end, he finally grasped the thought he’d been chasing after. “Nah again, bro. Remember what we talked about earlier today?”

I took my shoes off, almost tripping in the process, and flopped down on my bed, turning my head to look at Joe. “What are you talking about?”

“Y’know. The thing. A man pretending to be a woman. To get into women’s changing rooms,” he explained, as he sat down on his own bed.

I frowned. “Someone should do something about it.”

It was my room-mate's turn to wave his hand dismissively. “Nothing we can do about it. He says he’s a woman…”

“Non-binary,” I interjected.

“Same difference. He says it, and no one can disprove it. In fact, we could get in trouble for doubting him.”

“…It’s not fair.”

“It’s not,” he replied. “But it is what it is.”

Joe stood up and closed the door; since we hadn’t bothered to turn the lights on, the room was filled with darkness. I heard some rustling – Joe was taking his clothes off before going to bed. A small part of my brain wondered if I should do the same; the bigger part, though, was occupied in thinking about something else.

It wasn’t fair. Someone could just say they were a woman, and everyone was supposed to believe it? Just like that? Sight unseen? Without any proof?

It wasn’t fair. You couldn’t just become a woman. You couldn’t just be a woman. That just wasn’t how it worked.

I was absolutely sure most of the “trans women” and “trans-feminine non-binary people” on campus were just pretending. Just… Doing it to get ahead. After all, life is much easier for trans people than it is for men, right? Everyone always tells them they’re so brave, everyone literally worships the ground they walk on.

Someone had to do something. There must be some way to prove that someone who wasn’t trans (cis? Was that the term?) could just transition out of the blue, just pretend to be trans, and that was that.

Maybe if someone actually did it? Transition, I mean? To prove it was possible? Someone like…

“Joe. You still awake?” I asked the darkness.

“Hwuh?” came the answer.

“Tell me a girl’s name.”

There was a long pause.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Joe said, finally.

“Tell me a name. A girl’s name.”

“What the hell, man?”

I sighed deeply. “Just do it, please.”

“Okay. Anna.”

“…What the fuck? No!” I exclaimed.

“What? You asked me for a girl’s name!”

“Not that one!”

“Okay, okay. What then?”

I sighed again. “I dunno. What are girls named after? Flowers, maybe?”

Silence once again.

“Dude, did you fall asleep on me?” I asked.

“Nah man, just thinking. What about Rose?”

“Do I look like an old lady to you? The kind that goes ‘It’s been eighty-six years’ when asked for the time?”

“Uh… What?” Joe said. “Why is this suddenly about you?”

I waved my hand in the air, even though he couldn’t see it in the darkness. “Never mind. Come on, tell me another.”

“Okay. Iris.”

“Isn’t that a part of the eye?”

“Also a flower,” he replied, but the last word was cut out by a yawn – Joe was clearly about to fall asleep.

“Pass. Tell me another.”

“Amaranth.”

I turned my head and frowned in the direction his voice had come from. “The fuck’s an amaranth?”

“A flower. Isn’t that what you asked for?”

“Pass.”

The silence stretched longer this time.

“Dude? You still awake?”

“Bwuh?”

“I said ‘pass.’ Give me another.”

“Fiiiine. Lily.”

All the names Joe had said thus far had bounced off my brain; ‘Lily’ though, for some reason, floated right in, and made herself a nice nest deep into my mind.

I turned around, lying on my back, and stared at the darkness above me. Off to my right, Joe began to snore softly.

“Lily,” I whispered as I fell asleep.