Poop Mage: Manure Mysteries

The next morning, the whole village was talking about the mysterious “Stink Bombing” of Sir Roderick’s manor. Bob tried to keep his head down, acting innocent, but Tommy and his mother started to notice that things... didn’t quite add up.

Bob would disappear suddenly, only to return smelling worse than before. And sometimes, they’d catch him whispering to himself, waving his hands like he was casting spells at nothing.

One day, the mother watched as Bob tried to practice his magic behind the house. She saw him point his hand at a stick and shout “Flame Burst!” with all his might. But instead of fire, a tiny puff of poop magic shot out and fizzled in the air, leaving Bob groaning in frustration.

“Why won’t it work?” he muttered angrily. “All I want is some normal magic. Real magic. Not... not this!” He stomped his foot, sending another cloud of stench into the air. “I just need to find a real mage...”

The mother’s face tightened in worry as she slowly backed away, pretending she hadn’t seen anything. She’d heard enough. There was something seriously strange about this “hero,” and she wasn’t sure how much longer they could have him around.

Bob, meanwhile, kept muttering to himself about finding a fire mage, completely unaware that his stay in the village was quickly becoming as unwelcome as his smell.

Tommy’s mother couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned, replaying all the strange things she’d seen since Bob arrived—the stinky spells, the odd quests, the mysterious “Stink Bombing” of Sir Roderick’s house. As much as she appreciated that Bob had saved her son, the village couldn’t handle any more of his “heroism.” Something had to be done.

The next morning, as Bob sat down for breakfast with his usual loud chewing, she suddenly gasped, clutching her chest. “Oh dear!” she said loudly, making sure Bob heard. “I’ve just remembered... we’ve received word from my sister! She’s in trouble, far away. We’ll have to leave the village for a long time, starting tomorrow.”

Bob looked up, his mouth full of bread. “Oh... really? That’s... that’s awful!” he mumbled between bites.

She nodded quickly, doing her best to look worried. “Yes, yes, it is. And, well... since you’re a hero, Bob, you wouldn’t want to stick around and be bored, right? You must have great adventures to seek! Greater challenges to face! You should find a place where your... um... talents are truly needed.”

Tommy, picking up on his mom’s plan, nodded eagerly. “Yeah, Bob! You should go do hero stuff somewhere else! You’d be amazing!”

Bob scratched his head, thinking. “Well... I guess you’re right. I am meant for bigger things. But where should I go?”

The mother quickly leaned in, lowering her voice as if sharing a great secret. “I heard there’s a city called Emberfield, not too far from here,” she whispered. “And do you know what they say about Emberfield? It’s home to the greatest fire mages in the land! They can teach wizards to shoot flames that burn brighter than the sun!”

Bob’s eyes lit up. “Fire mages?! Like, real ones?”

“Oh yes,” she continued, over-exaggerating every word. “They say the Fire Guild there is the best place to learn powerful magic. Imagine what you could do if you learned from them!”

Bob stood up, his chest puffed out with pride. “Well, then... Emberfield it is!” he said, smiling wide. “Thank you! I’ll go find these fire mages and learn their secrets! And then I’ll be the greatest hero this world has ever seen!”

The mother’s relief was almost too obvious, but Bob didn’t notice. She and Tommy quickly put together a bundle of supplies—some bread, cheese, and a waterskin. They tossed in an old, worn-out shirt and a patched-up pair of pants for good measure, and handed the bundle to Bob as a “thank you gift.”

Tommy ran up to him with a little wooden trinket. “Here, Bob,” he said, handing it over. “For luck on your journey!” It was a small bar of soap, carved with the word “SOAP” in shaky letters, though Bob didn't seem to notice what it was.

“Aw, thanks, kid!” Bob said, patting Tommy on the head. “I’ll keep it close! And don’t worry, I’ll make you proud!”

The mother’s smile was tight, and she nodded rapidly. “Yes, yes, we know you will. And don’t forget to use that... uh, trinket. Frequently. It’s very... important.”

With his new supplies and a hopeful heart, Bob set off toward Emberfield, waving back at Tommy and his mother until they were tiny specks on the horizon. He walked with a spring in his step, feeling like his real adventure was just beginning. Finally, he’d find a real mage who could teach him fire magic, and he’d leave all this poop stuff behind.

“Goodbye, little village!” Bob shouted, cupping his hands around his mouth. “The next time you see me, I’ll be a powerful wizard!”

As Bob walked deeper into the woods, ready for his next great adventure, ding! A familiar notification sounded in his ears.

“New Quest: City of Flames Awaits! Travel to Emberfield and seek out the Fire Guild... or face a ‘Stink Penalty!’”

Bob pumped his fist in excitement. “Yes! Emberfield, here I come!” He had no clue that P.U.M.A.’s tone dripped with sarcasm, and for once, he didn’t care. He had a new goal, a new path... and a whole new world waiting for him.