Poop Mage: Manure Mysteries

It didn’t take long for Bob to realize he’d messed up. Big time.

As he scrambled away from the bathhouse, the thick, foul stench from his spell spread like wildfire. The smell seeped into the water supply, drifting from house to house. The brownish mist crawled through the cobblestone streets, and soon the villagers started to notice. A loud, collective gagging sound rose up, followed by shouts of disgust.

“What’s that smell?!” someone screamed.

“It’s like... a rotten egg... mixed with a dead animal!” another voice wailed.

“It’s a curse! A curse on the village!” an old man cried out, clutching his chest as if he were going to faint.

Bob’s heart pounded. He couldn’t just stand there and watch the chaos unfold. He needed to hide the evidence—fast. So, he rushed back into the bathhouse, eyes darting around for a solution. There had to be a way to drain the pool, wash away the mess... anything to make this all go away.

Spotting a rusty old lever on the wall, Bob grabbed it and yanked hard, hoping it would drain the water. But the moment he did, a loud CLANK echoed through the bathhouse, and the pool’s murky contents started gushing out—not just into a drain but into a narrow pipe that led straight outside... right into the village square.

“No, no, no! Stop!” Bob shouted, trying to force the lever back up, but it was jammed. The brown sludge poured out like a river, flooding the streets with thick, smelly goo that spread across the cobblestones like a wave of doom. Bob felt his stomach drop as he saw the ooze creeping into the marketplace, right toward the stalls of fresh fruits, vegetables, and bread.

“Well... that didn’t help,” Bob muttered, grabbing his clothes and whatever belongings he could find. “Time to get out of here...”

He threw on his still-dirty clothes and bolted out of the bathhouse, making a mad dash through the back alleys. But as he tried to slink back toward the village center, the sound of shouting villagers filled his ears.

“Find whoever did this!” a voice cried. “There’s a stench demon among us!”

“This miasma will bring the plague!” another voice yelled. “We must find the source and destroy it!”

Bob’s heart raced. He ducked behind a barrel, trying to make himself as small as possible. “Just stay calm,” he whispered to himself. “Blend in, and no one will notice...”

But before he could finish the thought, an old woman with sharp eyes and a big nose waddled by. She sniffed the air, eyes narrowing, and then looked right at him.

“It’s him!” she shrieked, pointing a bony finger. “The Stink Bringer! He’s the one who cursed our village!”

“Wait! No! You’ve got it all wrong!” Bob tried to explain, but it was too late. Villagers surrounded him in seconds, pitchforks and torches in hand, all shouting and waving their arms.

“Get him!”

“Drive out the Stink Bringer!”

“Burn the poop demon!”

Bob’s eyes went wide with fear, and he spun on his heel, bolting in the opposite direction. “This is just a misunderstanding!” he shouted over his shoulder as he ran. “I’m really a hero! I swear!”

But the mob was relentless, chasing him through the streets like he was the foulest creature they’d ever seen. Bob ran as fast as he could, but his legs were tired and wobbly. He could hear the villagers getting closer and closer, the pitchforks clanging, the angry shouts echoing all around him.

Just as he thought he was cornered, Bob tripped over a loose cobblestone. He fell forward, his hands instinctively reaching out to break his fall, and—

SPLAT!

“Scorching Brown Blast!” he yelled without thinking, and a ball of poop magic shot out from his hand. It arced through the air and hit an old, rotting tree at the edge of the village square.

There was a crack! as the tree toppled over... and landed right on top of a wild boar that had charged out of the woods, heading straight for a small child. The tree fell with a crash, trapping the boar underneath, and the villagers gasped in shock.

“He... he saved the boy!” someone shouted.

“Maybe he’s not a demon after all...” another voice murmured.

Bob stood up, a weak smile spreading across his face. “See?” he said, trying to sound heroic. “I told you I’m a—”

But before he could finish, the smell of his spell reached the villagers. The thick, foul stench filled the air, and their faces twisted in horror once more.

“Ugh, nope! Nope! He’s definitely a demon!”

“Get him!”

The chase resumed, even angrier than before. Bob didn’t waste another second. He sprinted as fast as his legs could carry him, running out of the village and into the nearby forest. He could hear the villagers yelling after him, telling him to “never return,” but he didn’t stop running until the trees were thick and he was sure he was out of sight.

Finally, Bob collapsed against a rock, breathing hard, sweat mixing with mud and the lingering stink of his spell. He felt relief... but also defeat. He had wanted to be a hero, but all he’d done was make a mess—literally.

Bob wiped his face with his sleeve, his eyes stinging with tears of frustration. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be,” he whispered to himself. “I’m not a Poop Mage. I can’t be...”

But as he sat there in the silence of the forest, all he could smell was his own stench, and all he could think was how badly he needed to figure out how to get rid of it.

Bob sat on the rock, feeling like the universe had played the worst joke on him. He had been in this new world for all of a day, and he was already hated, hunted, and humiliated. He buried his face in his hands, trying to figure out what to do next.

Ding!

Bob groaned as P.U.M.A.’s familiar voice chirped in his ears again. “Congratulations, Bob! You have completed the quest: ‘First Village Public Exposure!’” A floating window popped up in front of him, covered in sparkles and balloons like it was some big celebration.

“What now?” Bob muttered, staring tiredly at the screen.

“Quest Rewards: 10 Stink Points earned!” P.U.M.A. announced proudly. “You’ve also unlocked your very first spell upgrade: The Stench Shield! Surround yourself with a protective odor barrier to keep enemies at bay!”

The words hovered in front of him, shining brightly. But to Bob, it just felt like a slap in the face. “The Stench Shield? Are you kidding me?” he said, glaring at the screen. “How is a ‘protective odor barrier’ supposed to help me? It’s just gonna make me smell worse!”

“Don’t be discouraged, Bob!” P.U.M.A. continued in that annoyingly chipper voice. “You’re on your way to great power! Every spell cast, every quest completed, brings you closer to unlocking new abilities and becoming a true master of Poop Magic!”

“I don’t want to be a master of Poop Magic!” Bob yelled, throwing his hands up. “I want to be a fire mage, or... or anything else!”

But P.U.M.A. seemed to ignore him, and another window appeared, full of colorful, flashy images. “Introducing our brand-new feature: P.U.M.A.’s Magical Draw Dial!” The screen transformed into what looked like a glowing wheel of fortune, with sections labeled things like “Rare Spell,” “Epic Equipment,” and “Legendary Ability.” “For just 10 Stink Points, you can spin for a chance to win incredible prizes!”

“Spin?” Bob repeated, blinking. “You mean... like a gacha?” He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. Was this really how magic worked in this world? But maybe... just maybe... it was his way out. He didn’t have much to lose, right?

“Fine,” he said, gripping the edge of the spinning wheel with his fingers. “Let’s see what I can get!” He gave the wheel a hard spin, and it twirled around, the colors blurring together. Bob's eyes locked onto the word “Legendary,” praying it would land there.

The wheel spun... and spun... and spun... before slowly ticking down... click... click... click...

“Come on... come on...” Bob whispered, holding his breath as it finally stopped.

“Congratulations!” P.U.M.A. said with a little drumroll sound. “You’ve won... the ‘Mildly Useful’ prize: Boots of Slight Stench Reduction!”

A pair of old, ragged boots appeared in front of Bob. They looked like they’d been worn down to nearly nothing, and when he picked them up, a little note attached to them read, “Reduces odor by 5%. For 10 minutes. Sometimes.”

Bob’s face fell. “Are you kidding me? I spent all my Stink Points for this?”

“What a fantastic first draw!” P.U.M.A. cheered, completely ignoring his disappointment. “Don’t forget: more Stink Points means more chances to spin for amazing rewards!”

Bob tossed the boots aside, his face turning red with anger. “This... this is ridiculous!” he yelled. He quickly opened the System menu, scrolling through every tab he could find. There had to be a way out—a reset button, a logout option... something to start over. He shouted commands in desperation.

“Reset character!”

“Delete save!”

“Change class! Change class to... fire mage! Or ice mage! Any mage!”

But nothing worked. P.U.M.A.’s voice chimed in each time, sounding almost smug. “No can do, Bob! The Poop Mage path is your destiny!”

Bob waved his arms around like a maniac, hoping to “glitch” the system. He even tried casting a spell while spinning in circles, hoping it would break the interface. “Maybe if I spin fast enough, the System will think I’m bugged,” he muttered as he twirled around, getting dizzy and stumbling over his own feet.

“Nice try, User!” P.U.M.A. said, practically giggling. “But there’s no way out of your ‘fiery’ destiny! Poop Magic suits you perfectly!”

Bob collapsed to the ground, exhausted, and stared at the screen with pure rage. “This is all a joke, isn’t it? Some cruel joke, just to make me suffer!”

“Now, now,” P.U.M.A. cooed, “all heroes face trials, Bob! Just think of all the future opportunities awaiting you! Every spell cast, every quest completed... will stink a little bit more!”

Bob sat there, fuming, trying to think of something—anything—that would change his fate. But nothing came to mind. And now, on top of everything, he had no more Stink Points left.

He sat there in the woods, staring at the ominous system pop-ups floating around his head, angry and tired. The night was falling, and the wind made the trees rustle around him.

Then, out of nowhere, he heard something else—something different. A rustling in the bushes, louder and closer, like something big was moving toward him. He froze, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. What now? Another creature? An enemy?

Bob clenched his fists, the glow of the system lights fading behind him as he turned his eyes toward the dark forest. Whatever was coming, he wasn’t ready... but it was about to find him anyway.