Poop Mage: Manure Mysteries

Cooper couldn’t stop laughing as they walked. “I still can’t believe it!” he said for what felt like the hundredth time. “You totally showed up that Xandor guy! The way his face twisted when the spell hit him... priceless! Greatest prank of all time, Pooperus. You’re a legend!”

Bob forced a chuckle, trying to hide how nervous he still felt. “Yeah... pretty great,” he mumbled, though his insides churned with embarrassment. At least they’d gotten away in one piece. Maybe luck was on his side for once.

As they continued on the path, the landscape began to change. The dirt road turned into a cobblestone street, and tall buildings rose up along the horizon. Emberfield—finally. Bob’s heart raced as they approached the city gates, large iron doors decorated with flames carved into the metal. He could see people everywhere—merchants shouting their wares, kids running and playing, and mages practicing spells that sparked and fizzed in the air.

“Wow, this place is huge!” Cooper exclaimed, eyes wide as he took in the bustling scene. “This is it, Pooper! The place where we become the greatest mages ever!” He punched the air, looking like he was ready to conquer the world.

Bob couldn’t help but smile a little. The city was more impressive than he’d imagined, and for a moment, he felt hopeful. Maybe this was his chance to start fresh, to find a teacher who could help him learn real magic—fire magic—and leave all the “poop mage” stuff behind.

Just as they reached the gates, a loud ding! echoed in Bob’s ears. A notification appeared before him:

“Quest Update! ‘City of Flames Awaits’ completed! Congratulations, User!”

Bob winced, hoping no one else heard that. But it wasn’t over. The screen flashed again, and P.U.M.A. chimed in excitedly:

“New Quest Unlocked: Welcome to Emberfield, the City of Flames! Find the Fire Guild and prove yourself as an apprentice, or seek out a powerful mentor to continue your training!”

Bob nodded to himself. This was it. His big chance. Cooper was already ahead of him, fists clenched in excitement, practically bouncing as he walked.

“We’re gonna do it, Pooper!” Cooper shouted. “The Fire Guild won’t know what hit ‘em. We’ll show ‘em we’ve got what it takes to be the best!”

Bob tried to match Cooper’s enthusiasm, but part of him couldn’t help but worry. Would he really be able to learn “real” magic here? Or was he doomed to be a Poop Mage forever?

“Yeah,” Bob said quietly, gripping his staff tighter. “Let’s go show them what we’ve got.”

*

The road to the academy was alive with chatter, and Bob and Cooper walked alongside streams of students and travelers, all heading the same way. The air buzzed with excitement, but mixed in with the cheerful conversations were whispers of some looming threat.

“I heard some lord is making moves in the north...” muttered one student to another.

“Yeah, something big. My dad says it’s trouble for the academy...” added another.

Bob leaned over to Cooper. “Who do you think they’re talking about?” he whispered.

Cooper shrugged, not looking worried in the slightest. “Some noble, probably. They’re all the same—too much gold, not enough sense,” he chuckled, nudging Bob. “Don’t sweat it. We’re here for one thing: to show these mages what we’ve got!”

As they rounded a corner, the academy came into view—a grand, sprawling structure with towering walls of marble and banners that flapped proudly in the wind, each one emblazoned with a symbol of dancing flames. Huge iron gates guarded the entrance, manned by regal guards in armor that glinted in the sun.

“Whoa...” Bob breathed out, taking in the sight.

Cooper’s chest puffed up with pride as he marched straight toward the gates, practically dragging Bob along. Fancy students in luxurious robes filed in, their noses high in the air and their voices haughty as they chatted about magic, power, and who had the most impressive fireball technique.

They stopped before the gatekeeper, a stern man named Garrick with spectacles perched on the edge of his nose and a face that looked like it had never cracked a smile in its life. He was reading from a long, curling parchment, his eyes darting back and forth as each student passed by.

Garrick didn’t even look up as they approached. “State your business,” he grumbled, his voice sounding like he gargled with gravel every morning.

Cooper grinned wide, sticking out his chest. “Cooper Blackthorne, here to join the academy, ready to blaze my own path!” He spoke like he was already some grand hero, but Garrick just sighed and ran his finger down the list.

“Blackthorne, Blackthorne... ah, there you are,” Garrick muttered, nodding begrudgingly. “Very well.” He marked a check next to Cooper’s name and turned to Bob, who was trying to look confident despite being sweaty and nervous.

“Uh... hi! Bob. Just Bob,” he said awkwardly, giving a tiny wave.

Garrick’s finger paused on the parchment, his nose scrunching up like he’d smelled something rotten. “Bob...?” he said slowly, his eyes narrowing. He scanned up and down the list, the frown lines on his face deepening with every second. “No ‘Bob’ here,” he huffed, looking over his spectacles at Bob. “And what in the world is that stench? You smell like you’ve rolled in...” He trailed off, not wanting to finish the thought, but his disgusted expression said it all.

Bob’s face went red, and he stammered, “I-I... it's a long story.”

Garrick shook his head, already looking ready to turn them away, when Cooper smoothly stepped in front of Bob, flashing a charming smile. “Ah, right! My apologies, Sir Garrick!” he said, with a graceful bow that almost looked rehearsed. “See, Bob here is my assistant—a small mistake in the paperwork, you know how it is.”

With a quick flick of the wrist, Cooper produced a shiny gold coin and slipped it into Garrick’s hand, giving him a knowing wink. “One little clerical error and suddenly the best prankster around is nearly left out. We wouldn’t want that now, would we?”

Garrick sighed heavily, as if he’d seen this routine a thousand times. He rolled his eyes so hard Bob thought they might get stuck. “Irresponsible nobles, I swear...” he muttered, stuffing the coin into his pocket and scribbling something hastily on the parchment. “Fine. ‘Cooper’s Follower.’” He glared at Bob like a teacher catching a kid passing notes in class. “But keep an eye on this one,” he warned, jabbing a finger in Bob’s direction. “One step out of line, and you’re out.”

“Y-yes, sir! Of course, sir!” Bob stammered, doing his best not to look suspicious.

Garrick grumbled something about “filthy assistants” under his breath and reluctantly swung the gate open. The iron doors creaked loudly as they revealed the inner grounds of the academy—large courtyards, practice arenas, and towers that seemed to scrape the sky. It felt like stepping into another world.

Cooper clapped Bob on the back, grinning from ear to ear. “See, Pooper? We made it in!” he said, marching forward with swagger in his step.

Bob tried to smile back, but all he could think about was how close they’d come to getting thrown out before they even started. And somewhere in the back of his mind, he couldn’t help but think, What if this was all a huge mistake?