Isekai Speedrun

Strangers hate him! Find out how he assassinated a world emperor with this simple trick!

Two days later, our scout Kimono ran out of the dungeon tunnel, gave a silent signal and went to her hiding spot behind rocks and light pillars.

Caliph Tze was coming.

We quickly took our designated shooting platforms in the middle terraces of the cave temple.

Classic ambush triangle.

I was paired with Crys on the right side, Rain was hiding behind Sorry Man on the left side.

We had several rifles and revolvers in a row ready to go.

Dancer was holding the dynamite package triggers. Just enough explosion to dig the floor, but not enough to bring the roof down.

I wrapped some extra do-it-yourself hearing protection around my head and Crys did the same.

It would get loud.

I pressed the rifle against my cheek and tried to calm my breathing. I was sweating like an animal in my bulletproof shirt and heavy winter clothes. I could hear my heart beating in my muffled ears.

This was it. This was finally it.

Soldiers started emerging from the dungeon staircase.

First came the elite palace guards in black capes and helmets, and right behind them was the leader of the elite guards, stratark Traahaut.

The guards carried bright stormlight lanterns, but immediately extinguished the flames when they stepped in the temple cave illuminated by light pillars.

Traahaut moved just like in the game, checking first the left side, then the right side, and then left again. Nothing there.

I knew where you would look. I'm the expert at avoiding behavioral routines of enemies.

Even if he had looked up, he would have missed the dynamite packages placed on top of the cave entrance. This place had the same architectural optical illusions that Green Mountain cult temples.

We exploited all blind spots.

After stratark was convinced nothing was wrong, seven elite archont guards appeared right behind stratark. They carried similar stormlight lanterns, extinguished them and then scattered next to the walls.

After the archonts came the two female bodyguards, Shiro and Kuro: tall albino woman holding a long saber and tall argyre woman holding a rapier. They had real names, but I didn't remember them anymore, players just called them Shiro and Kuro.

And after the boduguards, as expected, came Caliph Tze himself.

He was wearing his signature silver-white mask. His full body armor was like the armor of a samurai, but made of white metal and engraved full of strange symbols. He had white fur cape on his shoulders and he held the Starcutter on his arms like holding a newborn baby.

Dancer didn't hesitate. Surprise, mo–

BOOM

The dynamite packages over the cave entrance exploded.

Caliph Tze and his entourage were knocked down by an intense shock wave and shelled by flying rocks. They had no idea what hit them, but we knew what to expect next.

BOOM

The still echoing first explosion right behind them was immediately followed by a second explosion in front of them.

And the second explosion was followed by a shower of gunshots.

Massive cloud of smoke and dust filled the cave and obstructed my vision, so I had no idea if I was hitting any targets, but my rifle aim was fixed to the center of the enemy group, so I just kept pulling the trigger.

When the initial dust cloud cleared up a bit, I saw that our trap cards had activated just as planned.

The cave entrance had collapsed, so all the servants and soldiers marching behind Caliph Tze were left in the dungeon tunnel. Caliph Tze and his elite troops were isolated from the main force.

Stratark Traahaut, the domino bodyguards and the archonts were probably down, but just as expected –

– Caliph Tze was still standing.

He had realized something was wrong.

He had uncanny intuition and reaction time when it came to these things.

Maybe he noticed the dust in the air seemed abnormal when he stepped in. Maybe he noticed the temple smelled abnormal. Maybe he simply said to himself: I have a bad feeling about this.

Whatever the reason, Caliph Tze had protected himself with a defense edge from his Starcutter. He had smashed in a sequence of momentary barrier arcs to shield himself from all sides.

Caliph Tze was damn fast to ride a surprise wave.

“Is this your invitation to dance?! You know your crime! You want us to destroy your contentment?! Lowly monsters like you cannot destroy the truth!” (Caliph)

Oh, he's immediately going for his monologue mode, without even seeing his enemies. This is why you need ear plugs.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

Keep up the pressure. Don't let him go into assault mode. This is not the time to save bullets. Not the time to reload, just take the next gun and keep shooting.

“Deviants beyond help, attacking us in our seat of power! You will join the silent majority, the Egg of Being belongs to us! The dragon shall lead the army of slaves inside the frame, can't you see we are the same?! If only you knew what truly belongs to you! The great empire must be sacrificed for us to survive! You monsters from lower worlds, you are eating your own children!“ (Caliph)

Sabers made of hard light kept sweeping the dusty air.

Caliph's disturbing roars echoed in the temple and his fingers danced on the Starcutter, deflecting our bullets. He always had this effortless atmosphere of progrock virtuoso singing surreal lyrics and playing complex guitar parts at the same time.

But I knew he was just basically trying to buy time to make an attack.

...Yet it was quite weird that he was so unaffected by the pressure of the explosions.

We're we too careful with the amount of dynamite? Or, could it be... did the Starcutter actually trigger a state preservation glitch?

Had Caliph Tze learned how to do that in this world?

Momentum and proprioception were preserved when switching from pause state back to game, but there was a rare and inconsistent glitch to default them and bring your character back to its initial values. It messed with neuroplayers senses and ruined the immersion, so it was most unwelcome glitch when it happened in the game...

...but if it worked in this world and Tze knew how to do it...

No. Glitches don't work. There must be a simpler explanation.

Doesn't matter. Whatever the reason, stick to the plan.

Concentrate on the momentary gaps in his defense barriers, not for wild speculations about physics-breaking hypertech.

Glitch or not, there's always a short cooldown delay.

Okay, he's finally trying to back up and find cover. Time to get serious with the timing.

Aim right between the frames.

I chose the rifle with red laser light card attached to it, switched the light on and pointed it on the ground to keep it hidden.

There's the shoulder movement, next is the hobble.

I raised my rifle and pointed the red light at Caliph's silver mask, in his right eye slit –

...There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in...

– got it.

Status effect: blinded.

“Mirim, now!”

Mirim's half-machine ears didn't need hearing protection. I knew she would hear my signal.

Caliph turned his head away and released another defensive light blade around himself like a bubble to protect himself, but that was his last effective action.

Mirim's mechanical eye glowed in the shadow of a stalagmite at the top of the temple.

BANG

Fingershot.

Caliph's right hand operating the buttons of the Starcutter stopped working. His last scythe pattern turned into thin blade that slashed a nearby wall and vanished.

“Impertinent fools! We will end your existence!“ (Caliph)

“How appropriate! You fight like a cow!”

He just kept throwing empty enemy chatter. What's next, are you going to yell “stop, rebel scum” or something?

Yada yada, yare yare.

Just shut up and take the loss like a good last boss.

...Oh, what's this? The domino bodyguards were grievously wounded, yet they still tried to jump in front of Caliph to shield him with their bodies.

Too late.

Rain got a direct hit in Caliph Tze's throat and a hole appeared in the lower part of his mask.

Yep, that's the headshot that earns you the Mask Bonus.

Rain, you finally had your revenge.

Caliph collapsed on the floor like the proverbial puppet with its strings cut.

Kuro saw her master die and screamed like an animal.

Crys stood up and waved his hand.

“Stop! Kimono, do it!” (Crys)

After Caliph was down, there was no need to waste bullets anymore.

Kimono jumped in action and went in to deal with the wounded.

Kuro was the last one to put up some resistance and the last one to die in Kimono's blades.

It was done.

Plan A worked.

Stop the clock.

It felt like it took time, but the battle was over in seconds.

I looked around expecting a cinematic cutscene to kick in. Maybe I will turn into floating light particles and get unsummoned back to my home reality or something?

But of course that didn't happen.

I won't warp out of this world just because final boss is dead. This is my life now.

That said, it was a good boss battle.

Fast and easy. Just the way I like it.

In the game, you had to solo overpowered Caliph Tze with AI-controlled NPCs, but here I had dynamite boxes, fully-equipped Rainwoman, half-machine Mirim, Crys and Kimono, and Dancer as a backup. This combo was a total overkill for Caliph in his weak form.

Exactly as planned. Five plus years of Mu-Ur campaign cleared under one year.

New untied world record and personal best. Platinum all the way.

But I do have to come up with a new category for this. It's such a massive deviation it's basically a different game altogether, isn't it?

Mu-Ur Quincunx Glitchless Any% [Flashback Backstory] [Good Ending] [Reverse Autorail] [Early Dynamite] [Airship Before Rukhkh] [All Main Characters]... no one will ever believe you.

I removed my hearing protection and saw that Dancer had already went to victory dance mode.

“Tamaya!” (Dancer)

“Yes, Dancer, that's what you say.”

“Captain Speedy, you did it!” (Dancer)

“No, we did it together. It's because we fought together. With all our nakama. Our combined power of friendship saved the day. The world is full of strangers who hate each other, but if we work together, we... Don't spin too much, Dancer, you'll blow up.”

“Get ready to move out, the soldiers in the tunnel are trying to dig through the rubble.” (Crys)

“Oh, right.”

It wasn't over yet. The death of final boss wasn't the end.

But still, I had to do something to celebrate this great achievement properly.

There's is something I have to do. There's no other choice.

I hurried down the stone steps and moved closer to Caliph's corpse. Crys was already ahead of me, but he was more interested in picking up the broken Starcutter.

For a moment, I expected that Caliph might jump up and start a surprise second phase of the boss battle or something.

I kicked his cracked silver mask off. His face was the same I knew from the anime – the face of an old man, full of wrinkles and scars. White, short hair and a bald spot like a tonsure.

I placed my running shoe on Caliph's torso and took a deep breath.

Really, I must do this.

A final tribute for the unbeatable final boss that got finally beaten: a monologue he can't skip.

“Hi there, old friend. You don't remember me, but I've seen your ugly face too many times to remember. You like to give long unskippable monologues, so allow me to give one for you for a change. My handle is Qwerty Uozewe and I'm a speedrunner holding the any-percent full campaign untied world record. You know what they said? They said sub eight hours was impossible, but I got it down to seven fifty-five. Oh, you don't understand what that means? It means I am your darkest timeline. I eat optimal routes for breakfast. I'm frame-perfect. I own you. I run through your empire so fast you have no idea what just happened. When you are raising your gun like a chump, I've already cleared the level. When you see me coming, you've already lost the game. Did you feel that gust of wind? That was me running over your well-laid plans. For you, this thing here was once-in-a-lifetime event; for me, it was Tuesday. Because I am the player of games and you are just a random bodyblock. When you studied the blade, I mastered the trade. Yes, I know you don't understand anything what's going on now because you are already dead, so let me give you a short version using very simple words: I am the high ground and you are done.”

And then I teabagged Caliph Tze.

…Maybe that went a bit too far.

Rainwoman, Crys, Mirim and Kimono looked at me like I had just turned into an alien. I gave an incomprehensible sermon to a corpse and shoved my crotch at its face.

“Brother, I still think this person is insane.” (Kimono)

Whatever, Kim-chan.

I got the world record, I don't even care anymore.

“Ladies and gentlemen, trolls of all ages! It's a personal best and world record! Live from isekai dimension! Glitchless any percent platinum! Subscribe to my channel, listen to my podcast, follow my livestream, back my crowdfunding projects, become a patron, support me on all platforms and keep clicking those ads!”

No one joined my raucous victory lap around the cave. I guess emote dances are out of the question as well.

No high fives from Sorry Man either. He's just too cool to get excited about anything.

It's not cool to get excited.

“Speedrun, are you alright?” (Mirim)

Uh-oh, she looks seriously worried.

“I'm okay, guys. Sorry about that nonsense, I just got a bit excited. I finally skipped the unskippable, so I needed to blow some steam. I've seen that damn cutscene so many times, so... many... times... Do you guys really not want to teabag him? Anyone?”

I can't even show any footage of this run, if I ever get back home.

If only I had a camera.

“Where's my bag, I'll quickly sketch this moment!”

“Speedrun, calm down. Dancer, collect their weapons and ammo. Kimono and Mirim, carry the unused dynamite back to the airship. We're leaving.” (Crys)

“...I'll take care of Caliph.” (Rain)

Rain didn't teabag Caliph, but she spat on his face and dragged him all the way up to the ledge path, stabbed his armpits a few times with a dagger, and then kicked him down to the chasm.

“Speedrun.” (Rain)

“Yes?”

“When you said you wanted to crush him like an insect...” (Rain)

“Yeah, it's done now. Good job. No need to thank me, we did it together.”

“...He doesn't deserve anything else.” (Rain)

“Yep, this is how it should be.”

Wait, Caliph dropped something when Rain dragged him up the stairs.

Did he drop good loot?

...Eh? Isn't this my bricked smartphone? How did my phone get in Caliph's pocket?

I could immediately imagine how it happened. Suleiman's men took my phone... then Caliph's men killed Suleiman's men and found the phone... and they sent it to Caliph thinking it's a new Strangers artifact. Probably something like that.

I grabbed my dead phone and put it back in my pocket. Welcome home, brick.

“What was that?” (Crys)

“A memento.”

“A card?” (Crys)

“Yeah, but this music card doesn't work. Anyway, it was a solid run. Co-op world record. High five, guys!”

Still no high fives or fist bumps.

These Revolution Movement guys are too cool for school. Just nod like a champion, eh?

Mirim raised her arm shyly and made a pose.

“Yay...” (Mirim)

“That's the spirit, Mirim! Yay!”

My teachings were finally recognized.

---

After our airship was high in the clouds again, the dynamite packages we set up in Rukhkh's nest blew up behind us. The whole flat top of the mountain disappeared like a small volcano erupting, but cold rain kept the dust cloud in control.

A cool guy would have turned his back at the explosion, but I'm not a cool guy. I'm a speedrunner.

“See you, space cowboy.”

I felt a small tinge of pity for the Rukhkh-bird.

It carried the nest materials all the way from the world behind the painting. In the series, it never succeeded on its mission. First time it failed because Caliph destroyed its egg and bathed in it, second time it failed because of Sorry Man touched it.

One hundred years from now, it might finally succeed.

In the game lore, there were three great mythical monsters in this world: Rukhkh, the great eternally flying bird of the sky; Liliathan, the great eternally swimming serpent of the sea; and Fenris, the great eternally hunting wolf of the land. Two of these monsters were mentioned only once in the game, and since Strangers suffocated the seas and burned the lands, Ruhkhk was probably the last mythical monster alive.

“What are we doing next, Speedrun?” (Mirim)

“Same what we always do, make plans to take over the world.”

Mirim was used to the fact that I always knew what to do and where to go next. She thought it was the normal order of things.

I guess I have to keep this partnership moving.

“Well, there's still Suleiman and Lucranah and other mid-bosses to beat. We need to move fast and kill Suleiman before news about Caliph's death reach the Corelands. Suleiman will surely start pushing his troops north... And we have to blow up the Strangers Cube at Reignland at some point, and we have to stop the Cult of the Green Mountain, and help all the street kids. There are still many side quests... well, it's basically an open world sandbox now. I don't know if it's possible to collect 100% treasures for the special ending without living Caliph, but maybe I could find some way... Yeah, we have time now. That's what we have now.”

There's honestly still so much stuff to do: bring Test Subject and other NPCs up to speed, kill Suleiman, kill Thiefmaster, kill Lucranah, dismantle the Syndicate, destroy Princes of Darkness and the Dark Murderers, burn all the battle drug fields that fuel the madness of the soldiers and war-gangs, free all the slaves still slaving on, explore the Shallow Sea room, invite all the street kids to Inside Out School and make it a real school instead of child soldier training base...

After the final boss, it's time to run the campaign backwards and resolve all the smaller missions.

The end is just the beginning. The world isn't safe even when Caliph Tze is gone.

In the hidden epilogue scene of the game, the oceans had dried up, continental shelves had collapsed and there were just tall pillars rising as high as mountains in an endless desert of gray-white sand, with grandiose black and white castles at the top of the pillars, inhabited by the last few living beings of this world.

That was the long-term future of this world.

Just like the fate of Earth is to get wiped clean by the Sun when it turns into a sub-giant.

Every planet is ultimately doomed without space travel.

Universe is full of bad RNG and glitches don't work.

Time is, and has always been, the real enemy.

That's why... you gotta go fast.

Time.