READ WEBNOVEL Ch 73 – The Pay Off
"Oh Fuck."
Everyone was looking at Captain Conscious. Grifter was the one who had just let loose with the expletive. With the exception of Grease, everyone looked rather shocked by Conscious' lack of confidence in the Caffiend. Conscious looked back at everyone, "What?"
Grifter took a deep breath, "Well.... If YOU of all people think something is up, then something really bad is going on."
Conscious furrowed his brow and responded, "Don't underestimate me. I'm not as naive as everyone assumes." He clutched his cape tightly around himself in a somewhat juvenile gesture as he continued, "I've met The Caffiend from my world and spent some time with him. However, I quickly realized that we don't share similar powers. He possesses cosmic abilities and there's nothing he can teach me in that regard, but that's not the issue at hand."
Gazing up at the night sky through the holes in the ceiling, Conscious remarked, "There was always a hint of cruelty in The Caffiend's demeanor. It was this... undercurrent of ruthlessness to him. Perhaps it was the many years he had lived as an immortal that had left him bitter, but..." He paused, biting his lower lip before glancing around at the group, "Despite that, he still had an air of joy about him, you know? A sense of optimism? A genuine desire to aid and protect people. He was genuinely saddened by the fact that I couldn't learn anything from him. It was as if he was seeking a protégé, almost like a father in search of a son." He looked back down at the fire, "That man was desperate to be a mentor."
Conscious shifted his gaze towards the hole in the wall that they had used to enter the warehouse and where the Caffiend had left, "I understand that he is from another universe, which could explain the difference in his demeanor, but there is still an unsettling feeling I get from him." He turned back to the group, "No matter how I try to rationalize it, there is something about this version of him that doesn't quite add up. I can't quite put my finger on it."
Quaalude nodded in agreement with everything his counterpart said, "I've met both The Caffiend from Nazi world and from my own world. There wasn't much of a difference between the two. The one word that comes to mind to describe both would be 'unbreakable'. He never gave up, never surrendered, and always took on the toughest challenges to try to save everyone." Quaalude shifted looked off in the same direction as Conscious as he continued, "However, the conversations I've had with this one was with a man defeated. He's attempting to hide it, but something shattered him. I don't like it." He paused for a moment before adding, "I cannot even begin to imagine what could have broken The Caffiend. Regardless, no matter how I try to square this circle, this isn't the same guy."
Grease blew air out her nose while puffing her cheeks, "What do we do about it?"
The Battling Bowman smirked, "Nothing."
Grease looked at The Bowman, "Nothing?"
Grifter nodded, "Nothing. Why do you think me and BB are here? We'll make sure he doesn't get away with anything."
Quaalude nodded his head in agreement, "We've faced worse betrayals before, and besides..." He paused for a moment while he reached into his pocket pulled out what appeared to be an EpiPen, "We know The Caffiend's weakness." He threw it towards Grease, saying, "I wasn't sure if you were fully committed until now." As Grease caught the EpiPen, Quaalude went on to explain, "This device is designed to penetrate clothing. Aim for the leg, but any area will do." He paused then added, "Well, not the eye, unless you want to blind him." He paused then added still more, "Well, I suppose we could grow it back..."
Grease looked at the device, then slipped it away in a belt pouch, "What's it do? Sedative?"
Quaalude shook his head and said, "No, that wouldn't be effective against him. This is actually an alchemical concoction that instantly detoxifies the individual it's used on. Since The Caffiend's powers are all drug-based, this should briefly neutralize his super speed for about twelve seconds." He shrugged, "Given his cracked-out metabolism. That's the best one could hope for."
Grifter pulled out three arrows with a similar injector on the end, "Twelve seconds will be more than enough." then put the arrows back in his quiver. The Bowman silently echoed his counterpart, but with a smirk and an unnecessary flourish.
Conscious looked rather disturbed as he glanced at everyone revealing the tricks up their sleaves, "Am I the only one who didn't prepare a weapon with which to backstab the Caffiend?"
Grease smiled, then suddenly zipped over to Conscious, giving him a hug. Taken off guard, he let out a loud 'ACK!' as Grease squeezed, "I've got the sweetest brother!"
Conscious relaxed and returned the embrace, but with only one arm, "Awww... I like you too, sis." Conscious ruffled Grease's hair a bit then snapped his fingers, "Hey! Uh... after this is over and everything settles down, if you want, you can come visit. I think it'd be nice and Mom would love to meet you. Assuming I don't arrested by FERB when this is over."
Grease raised an eyebrow, "What exactly is FERB, anyways?"
Grifter snickered, "In Foreworld it's their version of WASP. It stands for the Federal Emergency Response Bureau. You'll find most government agencies in Foreworld all have unintentionally silly names for some reason."
Grease nodded, "Ah. I was wondering." Then she glanced over at Quaalude and slowly started to smirk.
Quaalude raised a finger and was slowly waggling it back and forth in a gesture of denial, "Don't even think about it." He warned.
Grease gave Quaalude a wink, "Before this is over, you're gonna to get a hug when you least suspect it."
Conscious sighed wistfully, "I wish sometimes I hadn't been an only child. I think having a sister would have been great. Alas, you know how it works with inheritable magic."
Both Quaalude and Grease looked at Conscious with the exact same scrunched up eyebrows and spoke in eerie unison, "Know how WHAT works?"
Conscious was about to answer their question when he was interrupted by two large purple cubes suddenly materializing out of thin air. Out of one of the cubes emerged Lord Od. The other cube vanished to reveal Jack in his signature grey business suit and black tie. Upon seeing Grease with his arm around Conscious, Lord Od made a remark, "I see you two are getting to know one another."
Grease nodded, "Yeah... And I think I have made my choice."
Lord Od nodded, "Good. Then shall we be on our-"
"My Answer Is 'No'."
Alarms were going off all over Rascal HQ.
Grifter was on monitor duty when the attack happened. The base was under attack by a speedster unlike any she had ever seen before. She struggled to contain the attacker, but the individual was invisible to most sensors and not showing up on the monitors, rendering automatic defenses ineffective. Dropping the blast doors didn't help much, but it did allow her to somewhat redirect the intruder. They seemed determined to find something at all costs. As the invader disabled and turned off various defenses within the building, it became clear that their mission was of utmost importance to them.
Sass dropped in down the slide pole that was in a locked closet located above the security office. She inwardly smirked, ~And they thought this was a dumb idea.~ As she rushed over to Grifter, "What the fudge is going on?"
Grifter had switched to manual. While the normal sensors weren't working, the sensors that showed when doors were opened or pressure sensors that detected damage to the building still worked and it allowed her to at least take a guess as to the intruder's location. She manually turned on any turrets that might be able to block its path and set them to just randomly spray rubber bullets down various hallways. It was an attempt to send the intruder towards the very security office she was in. Alas, she found herself in the precarious position of her and Sass being the only two defenders available. The rest of the team was unavailable or unprepared, Grease was MIA, Wanderer was off with her secret lover, Ivy was useless this late at night, and while Goldie was available, it took her a minute to get her armor on.
A minute nobody had.
Lord Od looked shocked, "Excuse me?"
Quaalude frowned, "You know your parent's lives are at stake here, right?"
"Let me get this straight," Grease stood up. "You want me to travel back in time and attempt to save my parents, who are already alive I might add, while also facing off against an adversary who appears to be hell-bent on devouring my soul. AND all of this is to assist someone who I consider to be number one on my 'Kill-On-Sight' list." She took measured steps towards Lord Od, eventually stopping directly in front of him and crossing her arms. "If you want my help, then make it worth my while."
Lord Od looked disappointed, "Ah. So... What?" He jogged his head towards Jack, "You want ten million dollars as well?"
Grease snorted, "No. I want-" She paused then abruptly turned to Jack, "Wait. You are getting paid ten million dollars?"
Jack shrugged, "Dad always said, If you are good at something, don't do it for free."
Grease blinked and shook her head as if to clear it, then turned back to Lord Od, "My Ex died a few hours ago. I almost saved him. I just needed a few more seconds. You want my help? I want you to travel back in time and save his life."
Lord Od stared at Grease. Grease stared back. The silence dragged on before Lord Od finally spoke, "Deal. But after the job. Shall we go?"
"HOLD IT." Quaalude interjected, "Let's crunch the numbers first." He pressed a button on his wrist and held it down, "Baby? Factor in that we'll have used up everything from the amulet if we succeed." A high-pitched chirping and warbling noise emitted from his wrist as a small, dark blue cloud appeared, hovering just above the back of his hand. The mist swirled and twisted, before taking shape and forming the word 'NO'."
Lord Od shook his head, "Your assistant's analysis is incorrect." He lifted his cane and flicked it, causing a series of numerical figures and calculations to appear, scrolling down in front of them. Quaalude's computerized wrist device countered with a cloud of blue mist that generated its own set of calculations and formulas. The two artificial intelligences engaged in what seemed like a rapid-fire argument, with tension building by the second. After a few moments, the two finally appeared to reach a conclusion. A small display of arcane symbols materialized over Quaalude's wrist, flashing a result.
Quaalude frowned as he examined the readout, "This wasn't the deal."
Grease frowned as well, "And what's the new deal?"
Lord Od turned to face Grease, "It is possible to squeeze out enough chronotons for a very short second trip, just long enough to save your former partner. However, to save the necessary energy, we will require Jack's assistance in supercharging Hell on the Stick." He gestured towards Jack with his cane. "And regrettably, we will have to leave Grifter and The Battling Bowman behind." Lord Od pointed at each of them in turn.
Grifter flexed his hand, making and unmaking a fist as he spoke, "Que is right. This wasn't the deal."
As he spoke, Lord Od gestured towards each person in turn. "I require her, I require Jack, and I require both captains," He then turned to Grifter, shaking his head. "The only reason I allowed you to join us was because we had surplus energy, and it made no difference. But now it does." He spoke while gesturing towards the calculations on his cane, "If fulfilling her wish is the only way to ensure her cooperation, then the two of you will have to remain behind." He shrugged nonchalantly, and added in an almost taunting fashion, "Unless you're content with leaving her partner in his grave when she is so close to saving him?"
The Battling Bowman appeared as if he was about to speak, but Grease interjected firmly, "No." All eyes turned towards her as she continued, "This isn't up for discussion. If you want my help, then we are saving Balloon Boy." She fixed her gaze on Lord Od. "FIRST."
Lord Od shook his head slowly, "That is not feasible. The earlier time jump must occur first. It will trigger time quakes that will facilitate the alteration of the recent past. This will require less energy over all and we already at risk of exhausting our supply of remaining chronotons. The most efficient approach is to rectify the mistake during our return journey. We cannot do it in the reverse order and succeed." He turned to Quaalude, "Or does Baby disagree?"
Grease looked at Quaalude as well, "Is he right?"
Quaalude ground his teeth as he looked at his wrist. The cloud chirped. Quaalude frowned, "Technically... Lord Od is right. Although it also depends on how your ex died."
Grease nodded, "My friend stabbed him in the back, because Balloon Boy was infected with a memetic virus that was driving him, and most of the men in the city, insane."
Conscious squinted, "Wait... this happened a few hours ago? That's right around when we got here." He looked at Lord Od, "Did this have anything to do with our arrival?"
Lord Od was quite pensive as he went silent. Eventually he returned a short single nod of his head.
Conscious stormed up to Lord Od, "Waaaaait a cotton picking minute!" Conscious stabbed a finger in Lord Od's face, "You said you had a plan to get our arrival past the sensor net, but you didn't say anyone would get killed in the process!"
Lord Od knocked Captain Conscious' finger out of his face with his cane, "I said, you would be saving lives by coming here. And you did."
Conscious pointed at Grease, "Explain how that's true if her boyfriend died because... because... what EXACTLY did you do?"
Lord Od let out a long sigh, "I had Tom Fullery release a Memetic Virus, one to inspire regret in men. I selected only men so that my assistants staging the dummy dimensional breaches wouldn't be affected, since they were all women."
Grease's expression shifted between fury and disbelief, "Hold on... YOU were responsible for all that?" She flew over to get in Lord Od's face, elbowing Conscious out of the way while appearing as if she might try to throttle him with her bare hands, "Fourteen people lost their lives because of that reckless act!"
Lord Od sneered, "And how many were SUPPOSED to die?"
Grease was taken off guard, "Huh?"
Lord Od looked from Conscious to Grease and back again as he spoke in a calm and collected tone, "I chose this particular evening for a reason. In the original projected timeline, forty-seven individuals were to perish in the aftermath of the mafia's retaliatory strike against Zodiac. However, by releasing the memetic virus and causing a temporary disruption in the city's activities, I managed to disrupt the city long enough to transport you from your world to this one, thereby saving thirty-three lives that would have otherwise been lost, in the process." He paused to carefully adjust his cufflinks in a gesture of contempt, "I'm a professional and have been doing this for a long time, children."
Conscious looked like he was on very shaky moral ground. He ran his fingers through his hair as he staggered back a step, "Wait... you knew the future?"
Lord Od took a step forward, addressing Conscious, "You see, it's difficult to determine the exact outcome of such events. Perhaps those who perished tonight were among the casualties of the crime war, or maybe all forty-seven individuals survived and fourteen new deaths occurred. It's a delicate balance, like the scales of justice," He spoke while gesturing with his hands. "In some scenarios, forty-seven lives were saved while fourteen new deaths occurred, while in others, forty lives were saved and only seven new deaths occurred, with six deaths being unavoidable."
Lord Od pivoted to face Grease, his tone becoming more confrontational. "And what's really going to burn your britches later is the possibility that those lives we saved were likely criminals!" He help up his cane and started to tilt it from side to side, "So we're not just talking quantity here, but quality. Yes, we saved more lives, but were those lives worth saving?" He darted over to Quaalude and swiftly snatched Hell on a Stick out of his hand. "But, hey, as long as we're playing god, let's Just Fix It!"
A eye blink later he was standing next to Conscious, "Take it." He urged as he pushed the stick into Conscious' grasp. "We have the power to reverse everything. We can go back and undo all of it. We can allow the original forty-seven to perish and eliminate the new fourteen - or seven, or one, or none at all." He seized both of Conscious' hands and compelled him to grip the object tight. "Keep in mind, now YOU are now the one assuming the role of God, determining who lives and who dies, who is worthy and who isn't."
A second later Lord Od was in Grease's face. "Now don't forget!" He raised a single finger right in front of her nose, "They're not just mere numbers. Each one of them is somebody's child, parent, or sibling. Wouldn't you agree that those who lost someone would rather have them back than the ones who survived take their place?" Grease flinched and retreated a step, for Lord Od had struck a raw nerve.
Lord Od gritted his teeth, fixing a menacing gaze on everyone. "I understand that it's regrettable that you must get your hands dirty, but that's the way things are! We're taking a gamble in order to safeguard the future, to finally rectify the past, once and for all!" He jabbed his finger towards the ground. "This is it. This is the big gamble. The ultimate risk. We're putting everything on the line, and if we succeed, we'll repair this broken world. No more stop gap measures. No more temporary solutions. No more losing battles. No more sacrifices. No more conceding ground. We'll ban the antichrist and his armies from our timelines for centuries to come and give the world the time it needs to HEAL... or we don't."
Lord Od directed his attention towards Grease, "And as an aside, maybe we'll be able to save your parents in the process." He turned to Conscious, motioning towards the stick as he spoke in a strangely calm manner, "So, the decision is yours to make. It's your call. It's your choice. What's it going to be? I won't stand in your way because the truth is..." He suddenly bellowed at the top of his lungs, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE RIGHT ANSWER IS!" Lord Od's voice startled a few birds perched on the rafters, and their flapping wings mingled with the reverberating words. Gradually, the commotion died down, leaving only the sound of crackling flames in the barrel fire.
Conscious looked at the stick, then closed his eyes and let out a soft, "Damnit." He abruptly held the stick out to Lord Od, "Fine."
"Let's get this over with."
Sass and Grifter would have to handle this like the old days, when it was just the two of them.
Grifter gestured to Sass, signaling two fingers, then three, before clenching her fist and pulling it down. She then activated a switch, causing the light over the door to shift from red to green. Sass nodded once and gave a thumbs-up as Grifter utilized her cling gloves to ascend the wall. In a heartbeat, she had snuck into the drop ceiling. Sass already knew her part, ~I just need to hold the intruder in place long enough for Grifter to figure out our guest's weakness.~ She cracked her neck and positioned herself in a fighting stance. Suddenly, the door was flung open, but the intruder came to a halt in the doorway. Sass was rather surprised at who it was. Anyone who kept up on cape news would know who he was.
And he was supposed to be dead.
Jack reached out towards the stick and gave it a flick, "Charged." Hell on a Stick began emanating a deep red light, resembling its namesake more closely than ever before.
"I'll handle the jump," Quaalude declared, seizing the stick and tapping his wrist simultaneously. "Baby is one of the most capable AIs on the planet. She'll handle the calculations, if that's alright with you." The tone in his voice indicated that this wasn't up for debate.
Lord Od raised an eyebrow, "But I-" He sighed, "Ah. I see. Very well. Suit yourself."
Quaalude signaled for everyone to gather around. "Alright, stay close and stay still while Baby runs the calculations. We'll arrive slightly ahead of the event to ensure we have enough time to set up the ambush properly, but we don't have much power to spare, so there is no margin for error. We need to act quickly. If we run out of power, it'll be like trying to submerge a balloon underwater. Time will snap us back to the Omnipresent Now... whenever that is. So we need to get everything done as fast as possible to give us enough time to rescue Balloon Boy."
Jack tilted his head to the side, "Wait... we can't return to the same moment we left?"
"No." Quaalude responded as a cloud of blue mist emanated from his wrist computer and enveloped Hell on a Stick. "The Omnipresent Now is always moving forward. The time we spend in the past is time lost in the present. That's just how it works."
Jack scratched the side of his head, "Okay... I... man, this is confusing." He glanced at Lord Od, "You did not explain this very well back in the apartment."
Grifter and The Bowman backed away. Grifter spoke up with a single question, "You guys sure about this?"
Grease looked at the two reflections of her friend, "Yes. I'm sorry, but... I need this. I really need this."
The Bowman smiled cheerfully and spread his arms wide in a gesture of acceptance, "How could I refuse such a beautiful woman?"
"That's still creepy." Conscious commented.
Abruptly the red glow about the stick increased as the blue mist engulfed the group. The combination covered everyone in a deep purplish aura. As the universe started to lurch...
Jack noticed something odd out of the corner of his eye.
Lord Od stopped in the doorway, "I know you're in the ceiling." He glanced up then back to Sass, "LISTEN. This is VERY IMPORTANT. I need to find your partner. Greased Lightning. I need to find her, right NOW. Where. Is. She?"
Sass blinked and held up he hand flat towards Lord Od, "Hold it. The Caffiend is dead. I'm not about to-"
There was a flash of light behind Lord Od.
It was time for a second surprise that evening as All-Star, The Druidess, and Wonder Guy teleported into the hallway behind Lord Od.
Sass blinked, and blinked hard, "MOM? What the fudge you doing here?" All-Star ignored her and instead focused on Lord Od.
Wonder Guy let out a deep, frustrated sigh. "You're a lot more obvious this time, GRANDPA," With lightning-fast reflexes, he seized Lord Od by the shoulder. "Last time, you were trying to get my attention. Now, I assume you're attempting to..." He paused to glance up at Sass, "Kidnap All-Star's Daughter?"
A moment later, Lord Od had slipped out of Wonder Guy's grasp and rushed over to the security terminals. "I've been trying to contact you, but you never responded! We're running out of time! Why did you keep sending me to voice mail?" Lord Od deftly navigated through the various camera angles, then the machine sped up and started playing past footage. Somehow, he managed to transfer his speed directly into the machine. Sifting through the accelerated playback, he finally caught a glimpse of Grease and the direction she was heading. "THERE!" He declared while pointing to the screen.
He was about to leave when both All-Star and Wonder Guy grabbed him by both arms while The Druidess started weaving some sort of spell that looked like ethereal chains.
Wonder Guy spoke with an exasperated tone, "Give it up, old lord! I'm doing what I should have done back in the alley!"
Lord Od struggled to break free, but for the moment, he seemed to be actually restrained, "You IDIOTS! We have to stop him before he gets to her!"
Wonder Guy frowned, "Who? Is this part of your obsession with the Amulet?"
Lord Odd stopped struggling, "Amulet?" He went pale, "Oh no. No no no no no... THE FOOL! He'll Kill Us ALL!"
Wonder Guy squinted, "What are you talking about? You came to talk to me about the damn Amulet of Fear about what... a week ago?"
Lord Od gritted his teeth, "A week ago? I only arrived in America an hour ago! God Damn It! THAT WASN'T ME!"
He shouted as he phased out of physical reality, causing his words to linger in his wake. Before anyone in the room could hear his parting statement, He vibrated so fast he phased through the grasp of those restraining him. Falling into the ground below, he swam through the earth, pushing himself to the limit, until he emerged into the cool night air. Moving swiftly to the south, he zigzagged through the area, intangible and able to pass through solid objects. Although it was draining, he felt a gnawing sense that he was out of time and couldn't waste another second. As he searched, his cane emitted a faint chirp, signaling the detection of a tiny blip that could only mean one thing.
A time disturbance.
He focused on that blip, running faster than he had in a very long time, but just as he reached a hole in the wall of a certain abandoned warehouse in New Jersey...
The blip vanished.
Jack wasn't sure, but for a fleeting moment, he sensed that something was off about Lord Od. While everyone else was focused on Quaalude's manipulation of chronotons and the impending journey through time, Lord Od's attention was elsewhere. Jack noticed a faint smirk on Lord Od's face - a subtle curl of one side of his lips as he gazed beyond Jack at something or someone behind him. A slight narrowing of the eyes in what could almost be seen as an expression of... triumph?
Jack turned to see what Lord Od was looking at, but was too late.
They had already left.
As everyone left in Rascal HQ's monitor room tried to figure out where The Caffiend had gone, they got to listen to his parting words.
The out of phase statement left behind echoed with an odd reverb that made his words even more chilling, since everyone now had time to think about what the phrase implied.
Nobody liked their conclusions.
He spoke only four words.