I didn’t ask to be the Demon Queen

I didn’t know how many days had passed. I hadn’t counted. All I could do was hope that we were making enough time, that we’d get to the capital fast enough. It was all we could do. We finally arrived at the bend in the Dergow that had been mentioned. It was hard to spot, simply because of the size of the river. The ninety-degree curve was massive. We were told it would take us half of a day just to round it, before we’d be dropped off. We all got ready in calm silence. The journey hadn’t been easy from the get-go, but something had changed. Sabine’s… passing… It had left us with a grim resolution. 

 

We had gathered on the back of one of the turtles to discuss our plans going forward. We looked at a crude map of the area we were about to go into. The eastern side of the Dergow was a no-go. It was all swamps from here to the sea. The west side, however, was going to be as dangerous. We briefly considered boating downriver but, well, we had no boats and the Wydonians most likely patrolled these waters, considering we were approaching the capital. 

 

The west bank had a few large cities, and a few smaller settlements, and moving through them would be difficult. We’d met our enemy now. It seemed unlikely they wouldn’t know who we were now. Our party, what we looked like, that information would have been sent back. So, of course, someone -- Lillian -- suggested the thing I hadn’t wanted anyone to suggest, the thing that made the most sense. 

 

“We should split up,” she said. I groaned and shut my eyes but didn’t protest. She was right. “As a group of eight, we will be drawing attention. Certainly, the three of you don’t look monstrous, but as a group? We’ll be spotted.” We nodded. Then… what? 

 

Erza spoke, drawing a line on the map with her finger. “I think it will be important for Eliza to get to the capital as quickly as possible. I believe she will be able to get through to Anastasia.” I wasn’t sure about this plan. I tried not to look too crazed. “Not alone.You need someone who can keep you out of unnecessary trouble.” I looked around at the others, then back at her. She shook her head. “Not me. An Orc traveling to the capital? We’d be stopped immediately.” 

 

“That makes sense,” Kazumi said. “Who then?”

 

Erza sighed. “You. Lillian. Sally. Someone who won’t stick out in a crowd and knows city life.” I could tell it pained her not to be able to come with me directly. She’d been with me all this way and I couldn’t help but think that she felt responsible for me somehow. “Then I recommend that Morgana and I leave separately. We will draw attention, but we’re both capable.” Morgana nodded in agreement. “We will head northwest. If we are followed, we may be able to escape easiest. If we are not, we will curve around to the capital, but we’ll likely arrive later than you.”

 

“I’d rather not be separate from Kazumi,” I finally spoke up. “I’ve already lost someone. I’d rather not…” I trailed off. I could feel my voice catching in my throat but I made it clear I was resolute about this. I wasn’t leaving her behind. I was going to watch over her.

 

“Then,” Lillian said, “I recommend that myself, Tilly and Melamira travel together. Three women who know each other well and travel together isn’t unheard of. Especially since we’ll all pass for human. We will travel to the nearest city” -- she looked at the unmarked dot on the map, “and find out what we can. What the military knows. I want us to meet here,” she pointed at another dot, a little closer to the capital, “in three, four days. If we don’t arrive, or you don’t, keep traveling to the capital. Sally and Kazumi go with Eliza. Don’t get noticed, don’t draw attention to yourselves, don’t ask questions. You’re just three young women going to visit your family.”

 

We all agreed. It wasn’t going to be pleasant, splitting up like this, but it was the best way for us to proceed. I was a little worried about Sally. A lot of her happy-go-lucky attitude had left us since the Redwood, but I hadn’t had a lot of time to pay attention to her. Other than Kazumi, I hadn’t really had time for anyone. I hoped she’d be okay traveling with us. It was easy to forget sometimes she was just a young woman who had arrived in this land only… weeks ago? No… it had been months. Almost half a year, even. It felt like only days or weeks one moment and then years the next. I shook my head. 

 

When the caravan finally stopped at a small side-river that merged with the Dergow, the Dragonborn woman was there to say goodbye. I was hoping for words of wisdom. Perhaps a magical sword or something, but it seemed she was all out of useful magical artifacts. She’d already given us more than I could’ve hoped for. I gently clutched the twin amulets around my neck, one keeping my true form hidden and the other keeping love close to my chest. 

 

“Not far now, Liz. But you still have some time to answer some questions,” she said with a smile.

 

“Go ahead?”

 

“Not to me, dearie. Not to me.” 

 

One of the guards walked us to where the little river merged with the Dergow, and drew a little map in the sand with the tip of his spear. It wasn’t a very good map, but it did the job. 

 

“Three hours down that way, there’s a ferry. It’s mostly used by the fishers and frogcatchers, but it’s abandoned this time of year. Too cold. Should get you over the river.” 

 

We nodded in thanks and he nodded back. He gave me one more look that I couldn’t place. I hoped his opinion of the Demon Dragon Queen had shifted somewhat. I still didn’t like how they’d felt about me, even if I understood why. I was, or might have been, their anti-messiah. I wouldn’t have liked me either. But maybe I had changed their mind.

 

We walked in silence. That was new, and I wasn’t really happy about it. Before… well, before, we’d always talked. We’d drifted forward and backward through the ranks to see how people were holding up, asked each other questions and took the time to get to know each other. Now, we were putting one foot in front of the other, eyes on the spot where the Dergow met the horizon. Somewhere, down there, was the capital, and the goal we had already sacrificed too much for. 

 

We arrived at the ferry. I don’t know what I’d been expecting. All the ferries I’d ever been on had been large boats crossing lakes and big rivers. But this thing was a large wooden square with a chain that fell into the water and, I assumed, surfaced somewhere on the other side. There seemed to be a rudder and a wheel of sorts. It wasn’t encouraging, but the others seemed to be comfortable enough with it that I could only shrug and go along with it. We all piled up at the bank while Erza waded out to pull the thing to shore. 

 

It wasn’t very steady, but it was large enough not to tip over, and I got the feeling there was some mechanism below the waterline as well. I didn’t know enough about ferries to know what it was. 

 

“Across this damn river again,” I heard Sally mutter as she stepped on the wet wood. The platform wobbled softly and I stepped on daintily after her. I nudged her. We hadn’t talked much lately and I felt a little awkward. Still she nudged me back and smiled. She wasn’t the bubbly person she’d been before. Or at least… that person was buried, for now. She looked dimmed. It was sad to see; she’d been a consistent source of light in my life, in our lives. She had a levity to her that wasn’t here anymore. I hoped she’d feel better again some day. I hoped our journey hadn’t extinguished her completely. She deserved to smile again.

 

“We’ll be okay,” I said. She nodded uncertainly and looked to other side. She almost lost her balance as Erza turned a lever and the whole platform jolted. Something -- the current? Some other mechanism? -- was pushing us to the other side. Mellie kneeled down by the side of the raft and dipped her hand in the water absent-mindedly. She seemed lost in thought. I wrapped an arm around Sally in the hope of steadying her, and hopefully bring her some comfort. She sighed so deeply I could feel it. “We’ll be okay,” I repeated again. I wasn’t talking about the ferry. 

 

We were halfway and nothing had happened. It was comical. All of us scanned the horizon in every direction. Erza stood upright by the wheel. We were all on edge, all so ready for something to go wrong again, we refused to accept the possibility that something might not. We’d been burned too much before, I supposed. 

 

Morgana’s face was sour. I followed her eyes, but they didn’t lead anywhere but the chain that was getting us to the other side. I was about to ask her when I realized that ferries like this couldn’t have existed back then. The concept of an island floating downriver would make such a system of transportation impossible. The sight of it must have been an insult to her. It wasn’t even an impressive bridge, just a rusty chain and a small wooden platform. As if someone had burned down her home and put a doghouse in its place. I’d be pissed too. 

 

She caught me looking. I smiled sheepishly. She just looked back without emotion and I was about to go talk to Kazumi when I noticed the corners of her mouth lifting ever so slightly and she closed her eyes. I had no idea what was going with her. Maybe she was happy to be on the river again? Or maybe she’d seen that I understood what she could be mad about. She was hard to read at the best of times, and I was on edge as it stood. We were almost across and the riverbank was getting closer. 

 

A sense of dread came over me, and I could tell I wasn’t the only one. Last time, setting foot on the other side of the river hadn’t gone well. It had cost me… I tried to take a deep breath, but found that the air got caught in my throat and my eyes began to sting. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. I wasn’t ready! I looked behind me. Perhaps we could go back, go down the river some more, find another way across later, find a ship or a boat, we’d find another way across. Once we were across, we would be splitting up. We’d be in danger again and I’d be in danger of losing people again and I wasn’t ready.

 

“Not yet,” I mumbled. 

 

“What?” Sally said and looked at me. My trepidation must have been visible on my face because she looked concerned. Kazumi joined us and she took my face in her hands. Being shorter than her had that advantage, at least. She wiped my tears and pulled me to her. I immediately lost control and began to cry. We were jostled as we reached the other side of the river and I felt like collapsing. With the help of the others I got onto the shore and Kazumi wrapped herself around me protectively. Everyone else gave us some space. 

 

“I’m not ready, Kazumi,” I mumbled into her. She stroked my hair. 

 

“You will be, love,” she said. “I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

 

“But what if something happens? What if I… I can’t… I can’t lose you.”

 

“You won’t.”

 

“But… I couldn’t protect…”

 

“I trust you.”

 

I cried again. 

 

After a while I got up. I looked at the others. Everyone was already divided into the three groups we’d be traveling in. I walked up to Mellie and Lillian first. I’d done my best to seem as presentable and put-together as possible. I was supposed to be the queen. Hah. 

 

“Good luck,” I started when Tilly hugged me. The four of us smiled. 

 

“You too,” Mellie said and she squeezed my shoulder. Lillian looked like she was about to say something, her big eyes flitting from Tilly to me, but seemed to decide against it. I wasn’t in the mood to leave things unsaid. 

 

“What is it, Lillian?”

 

She shook her head. “We’ll talk when you’re done.”

 

I nodded and shook her hand. It was formal in a silly way, but it seemed like it fit. 

 

Then Erza and Morgana. Morgana was easy enough. It was almost tempting to salute. I turned to Erza. She looked down at me. I was even shorter now. She was gigantic compared to me. I just smiled at her. I was about to offer her my hand too but she heavily dropped to one knee and wrapped her arms around me. I was frozen by the suddenness of it. This was Erza. I finally managed to relax a little bit, and tears ran from my eyes again as I hugged her back. 

 

She pulled away and smiled again. I could have sworn her eyes were watering. I couldn’t be sure because Kazumi got a hug too. She was just as stunned. They were about to get up and leave -- they’d be heading immediately north first, Mellie’s group would follow a road northwest and Kazumi and I would follow the river -- when Erza turned to me again. 

 

“Good luck, Liz,” Erza said. She smiled and now I knew she was crying.