Chapter 47: Look at Me (3)
Chapter 47: Look at Me (3)
Warm sunlight filtered through the window.
My eyes opened naturally.
I should feel refreshed after a good night’s sleep. Instead, I feel a strange sense of relief.
A sense of relief that I had unknowingly escaped a great danger, a feeling I couldn’t understand.
‘Did I have a weird dream last night?’
It felt like someone was tickling me in my dream.
It also felt like someone was staring at me intently.
But as dreams often do, the memory quickly faded upon waking. Now, I couldn’t remember much at all.
Even the vague memories I had were slipping away.Well, since I can’t remember it, it must not have been important.
With that thought, I casually started making my bed.
Habits can be scary.
Once I started, I found myself tidying my bed every morning without fail.
Even though I had long since been discharged from the military, this habit remained.
I’ll use it again when I sleep tonight anyway.
I can’t understand why I bother making it.
Nevertheless, I neatly made my bed.
Perfectly arranged bedclothes.
Even the pillow was placed just right.
Lastly, I looked at Siel lying on my bed...
“...?”
For a moment, my mind went blank.
I rubbed my eyes in confusion.
Still the same.
Even after rubbing my eyes, I saw the same thing: Siel sleeping peacefully on my bed.
Pinching my cheek only brought pain.
So this was reality.
I felt a cold sweat running down my back.
Even without looking in the mirror, I knew my face must be as pale as a corpse.
‘Did I do nothing wrong yesterday? I didn’t drink or anything.’
I felt like I was going to lose my mind from the confusion.
However, I couldn’t ignore this bizarre situation forever.
I gently poked Siel.
This unusual situation of her being on my bed.
For some reason, I couldn’t touch her as casually as I normally would, so I poked her cheek with my finger as if touching something dangerous.
Her cheek felt soft.
As I poked her cheek, Siel stirred slightly.
She rubbed her eyes with her usual dazed expression and then got up.
“What happened yesterday?”
I urgently asked, but Siel’s expression was as calm as ever.
“What?”
A completely unexpected response came.
I held my dizzy head and tried to continue the conversation calmly.
“Why were you sleeping in my bed all of a sudden?”
“Just because.”
But the answer I got was even more baffling.
Just because? Just because what?
A reason for invading the bed of the opposite sex can’t simply be ‘just because.’
I was about to say something to this girl who lacked common sense... but then I stopped.
Because I knew what would come next in the conversation.
If I asked, ‘Does that even make sense?’
Siel would respond, ‘Is it not okay?’
If I then gave a sensible answer, ‘Of course it’s not okay.’
She would ask, ‘Why isn’t it okay?’ with a very innocent look.
Explaining that in detail would itself be inappropriate, so I would awkwardly say, ‘Well... because we’re of different genders, it makes me a bit uncomfortable.’
Then Siel would innocently ask again, ‘Do you care about me?’
...Ultimately, it was Siel who did the bizarre, perverted act of sneaking into my bed. But in the end, it would be me who ended up looking like a mad pervert.
We’ve been traveling together for quite some time now.
By now, I know how these things go. Most of the time, if I get bothered by this stuff, I lose.
Despite seeming like she’s not good with words, Siel is surprisingly good at verbal sparring.
Whether it’s taking my tea and sipping it, or patting me every time I sigh.
If I nitpick about each thing, I end up losing.
“Yeah… I see.”
In the end, agreeing is the best response.
Rather than questioning what kind of mindset leads someone to climb into another’s bed in the middle of the night,
It’s more effective to empathize with her desire to be in my bed.
Thus, one commotion is settled. Siel and I stare blankly at each other.
...It’s awkward.
Despite how much time we’ve spent together, it’s awkward. It would be strange if it weren’t.
After all, how could any man remain calm with a woman lying in his bed?
I pondered for a while on how to break the awkwardness... and then came up with a decent topic.
“So... are you feeling any better?”
It hadn’t been long since she overexerted herself and got bedridden. She was still recovering as of yesterday, lying in bed to rest.
Siel thought for a moment and then nodded.
Seeing that made my heart ache.
Despite being so ill, she was so nonchalant. It seemed she had no sense of danger.
“If you’re in pain, you should say so. Why didn’t you say anything?”
The words came out of my mouth out of frustration and pity.
In the mining camps, she would let others take her food and bully her, just enduring it all. And even now, she was doing the same thing.
“Just because.”
Once again, Siel gave a simple, vague answer.
It was an infuriating situation.
...But.
No more nagging came from my mouth. It was impossible for such words to come out.
Of course.
“Because you asked me to. I wanted to do anything for you.”
How could I scold someone who says that?
“Still. Next time, if you feel like you’re going to collapse, tell me beforehand.”
In the end, all I could do was scratch my neck awkwardly and give such a half-hearted response.
But then, Siel stared at me blankly and threw another unexpected question.
“Are you worried about me?”
“Well… yeah.”
No matter how embarrassing, I couldn’t lie to someone who suffered because of me.
So I answered truthfully.
“I see.”
Siel’s expression looked somewhat peculiar.
…It was strange.
She probably just asked out of innocent curiosity since it’s Siel.
But given the situation, it felt a bit off.
Like my chest was tingling or I couldn’t meet her gaze.
‘What on earth is going on?’
Naturally, such thoughts crossed my mind.
I felt like the protagonist in a teenage romantic comedy movie at this age.
Is it true that humans are ruled by hormones?
Or has the age of this possessed body influenced me to become this childish?
With these thoughts, I let out a deep sigh.
*****
Ian sighed deeply, holding his forehead as if he had a headache.
At times like this, there was only one thing she could do.
Siel got up from the bed and approached Ian. Then, as always, she patted Ian gently.
The feel of his hair was pleasant.
She liked his slightly embarrassed reaction too.
“Yeah... thanks.”
Ian spoke as if he had come to some sort of realization.
Normally, this would have been the end of it.
But Siel moved closer to Ian.
Then, she leaned her face against his chest.
She could feel his heartbeat.
It felt different, like she was fully sensing the other person.
“...What are you doing?”
Ian asked.
But Siel wasn’t flustered. She knew everything about this man. When Ian was pushed strongly at times like this, he usually didn’t refuse.
“It’s not fair. You’re always the one who pats me.”
As he said that, Siel looked into Ian’s eyes.
Ian’s face turned red.
Indeed, it was good she had stopped before.
Siel loved that kind of innocence about him.
Ian hesitated for a moment... but in the end, he stroked her head.
“Can you grant me one favor?”
After enjoying that pleasant sensation for a while, Siel opened her mouth again.
Ian seemed flustered by the sudden request, but Siel continued speaking without concern.
“You rewarded her for doing her best. I’ve done my best too. Much more than she did.”
“Y-yeah, that’s true. What’s your request?”
What could she possibly ask for?
She knew exactly what she wanted to request.
She wanted this man to only look at her.
To care only about her and love only her.
But.
‘That’s not right.’
What she loved was this version of Ian.
Someone who had a pure side, who occasionally went off the rails.
He might not realize it, but he was the kindest person in the world.
So.
She shouldn’t block his path.
He had a lot to accomplish.
He had dreams he wanted to achieve.
She loved watching him chase those dreams.
But.
If she could be a bit selfish.
“I’ll tell you later.”
Someday, when everything is over.
She hoped he would look at her.
She hoped he would love her.
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