Diary of a Lost Soldier in Another World

Chapter 29: Belief, Truth and Miracles

 

I’m sitting in the common room early in the morning nursing the pain in my shoulder. The pain is still the worst in the mornings but at least they aren’t getting worse. I wince as I look down at the book in my lap. It’s a book on the different species of this world. With the prediction on the next Rift being in Alvuan I decided to head down to the library with Charlotte yesterday after a short training session. I picked up this book on the different species and Charlotte picked up a book on the local politics of Regus.We were still technically on break until the ball tonight but all of us were getting restless just sitting in the room so we went out to try out our new abilities. 

Our short description of our abilities didn't do the abilities justice. Jacob’s especially, his shield buff seemed so simple but when Ivan tried to take a swing at Jacob’s shield, the hit was stopped cold and Jacob barely even budged. Ivan later took a swing at the wall of the arena and he later told us that the stone wall was a softer target. Then of course I drew my pistol and took a shot at Jacob’s shield. The bullet ended up just pinging off. Charlotte eventually concluded that it was because we at first viewed the ability in isolation. The thing about the damage system was even though [Resistance Penetration] exists it doesn’t affect [Damage Reduction]. That and Jacob had extremely high [Tenacity] which combined with his shields naturally high [Physical Resistance] made it so that you would need very high damage to even have a hope of piercing his defenses.  

There was one thing that could break through the defenses, my rifle Simuna’s Regards. At first when I first tested my rifle against a line of armoured and shielded straw dummies. The shot went through all five and ended up being embedded in the wall. That’s 15 layers of steel and it still went a decent depth into the stone. We tested the shot on more dummies this time with Charlotte’s [Lux Vitae] in front of it. Again the shot went through all of them. Then finally we booted up the simulation and I had Jacob try to withstand the shot. The bullet went clean through the shield but was stopped by his chestplate. At least now we know what the Rifle can do. We couldn’t do combat testing testing as with no training scheduled there were no opponents to fight in the simulation. If there was a simulation I wanted to try fighting with overwhelming odds and see how we fare. I told Davis I’m interested in fighting about fifty people at once as a party and I asked if it was possible. He told me it certainly was and he said it would be arranged.

The four girls also got some interesting abilities after that level jump. I think we would have an interesting fight in the next training session…

As I looked down at the page on Lupus I saw that most of the text seemed quite racist and derogatory. Well then again they were a different species and not really a race so I guess it would be speciesist? Is that even a word? The Lupus were described in extremely unflattering terms, words such as barbaric, uncivilised and feral. Some of the information also seemed flat out wrong, apparently this book claimed that the Lupus liked to sleep around and fornicate in public. Which I doubt is true considering the whole mark your partner for life thing that Volva and Ivan have going on. Speaking of which they seemed to be having quite a bit of fun during the night with Volva having practically moved into Ivan’s room. Last night when I came out of my room to get a glass of water I heard sounds coming from their room. I should probably tell him to ask his room to get some sound proofing…

I flip past page after page of text that to an impressionable reader would make them think the Lupus were just animals that looked similar to humans. When I moved on to the Kitsupali which was the fox like race that Momo belonged to. There were some interesting things in here like it said how the Kitsupali had an affinity for fire magic and the book mentioned if a Kitsupali Mage is encountered it is recommended to make a hasty retreat. Apparently they bred quite rapidly as they had a high chance of birthing twins and triplets. They were poor in physical combat so they used magic abilities even in close combat in what is described as a “Spell Blade” style. 

There were other races I haven’t even heard of, the Dwargon which by the looks of things were just the name given to your stereotypical fantasy Dwarfs in this world. Short, broad and they liked smithing. There were quite a few others, the Nagori which looked to be reptilian mermaid-like creatures, Harpese which looked like humans with feathered wings and feathers for hair… huh this part is disturbing…

Apparently the Harpese were captured and bred for their feathers… The feathers are apparently great for making arrows, as ornaments and even fans… I’ve seen feathered fans in the hands of noble ladies… did those feathers come from a Harpese? 

“That’s a disturbing thought…” I mutter as I imagined a winged human like creature with human intelligence being tied down and having their feathers pulled out one by one… 

Nasty mental image…

“Ok moving on…” I mutter as I force myself to flip the page. 

Finally I arrived at the section I was looking for. The Alvs… long lived, average life span 300 years, totally unsuitable for breeding due to needing eighty years to reach adulthood and a three year gestation period… popular as servant slaves due to their long life spans they can be kept young for use over decades…

I narrow my eyes as I look at the next bit of information in the text, this is very interesting…

 

The Alvs inhabit the land known to us as Alvuan. Alvuan used to be joined to the mainland but the Alvs used their magic to split a section of their land off. Now a sea monster prowls the waters between the mainland and Alvuan preventing any fleet from crossing. No doubt a cowardly tactic by the Alvs to prevent liberation of that land by Regus. Now Regus controls half the old Alvian territories although the forest still seems to resist human occupation. Attacks from both monsters and the local fauna are common, still the brave citizens of Regus persevere for the Alvian forest is a source of many rare herbs and materials such as Moonsilk that is taken from Moon Moths and is used in the production of Mage attire. 

The Alvs are also known to partake in the barbaric practice of interning their powerful and wise individuals within magic wooden bodies. These magic based constructs allow these individuals to serve long past their normal lifespans and also to provide capable warriors with bodies that can continue to do battle even after suffering unhealable wounds that would have otherwise crippled them. The oldest such individual ever discovered was said to be more than a thousand years old. 

This individual known as Voronwe was captured after his body was disabled from concerted and precise mage spell fire by the unmatched forces of Regus that have no equal. When interrogation in the field proved unsuccessful he was transported to a holding area in an undisclosed location. Initial interrogation only revealed his name and his age, with him said to have been born before Regus was founded. Further attempts to extract information were unsuccessful,  however we now know that his silence and his allowing himself to be captured and interrogated was just another cowardly Alvian trick.

When a Knight Captain approached to speak with Voronwe, the treacherous Alv activated a spell that was stored within his wooden body, causing the body to explode and destroy the fort that he was stored in. The attack ended up killing an entire knight company along with their Knight Captain. It cannot be overstated that the Alvs are cowards and schemers with little to no honour. One day Regus will storm the crossing to Alvuan and take what rightly belongs to our great nation and species…

 

Voronwe… this guy seems to have quite a bit of guts. Pity I’ll never get to meet him, what a way to say fuck you to the enemy by letting yourself be captured and rigging your own body to explode. 

You know now that I think about it, if there are Alvs who live for over a thousand years in those wood bodies then one of them might know what happened when the last Dark Hero appeared… Then again, were they really Dark Heroes? Or were they Dark Champions? After all Filianoreh did say the Dark Heroes are always the strongest, was that due to the Dark just being more powerful or the fact they were all Dark Champions?

As I continued to go down the page I also found out the Alvs were also few in number as they took very long to replenish their dead. It seems they made up for that with the quality of troops. The Alvs all had higher levels than humans due to their slow breeding and their soldiers were also much better trained. Not surprising when you live for three hundred years. If you have less generations then those alive right now are closer to the Heroes and there are less opportunities for the blood line to dilute. It also means they get level injections into their population over lesser generations as compared to the more short lived races. 

Quality over quantity… more vulnerable to attrition but in their forest they have an extreme terrain advantage. Forests are good for ambushes and the trees naturally blunt charges as the attackers have weave between the trees. Judging from what I see here, the Alvs favour cavalry and ranged tactics. They probably like to kite their opponents in circles, that’s not to say that they can’t engage in melee combat. It just seems like they prefer shock assaults rather than line to line clashes…

I wonder if the king will let me go Alvuan to check the place out. I doubt so, I mean if we go there the Alvs won’t say flattering things about Regus. Then again, if Filianoreh and the Mages told me that the next Rift will be at Alvuan, chances are they expect me to find out somehow…

Then I hear a door behind me open and I turn to see Charlotte exit her room. She rubbed her eyes in the way she always does early in the morning. I can tell she would like to sleep in but I guess if you’re a noble, time spent sleeping can be better spent on other things. 

Charlotte walked groggily over to the sofa and sat down next to me as she leaned her head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder as I smiled and looked down at her half open eyes.

“Had a good night's sleep?” I ask.

“Yeah, just a little tired, I was up late last night reading the book I borrowed.” Charlotte muttered.

“Learn anything interesting?” I ask.

“There are some odd things in there.” Charlotte said as she opened her mouth in a yawn.

“Like?” I ask curiously.

“This kingdom doesn’t seem to be able to decide if they want to be imperial or feudal.” Charlotte explained as she opened her eyes and looked up at me.

“Huh?” I ask nonplussed at the reply.

“I didn’t take politics in high school…” I say with a smirk.

“Right…” Charlotte said with a giggle.

“Anyway in simplified terms. The Imperial system has a consolidated army drafted from all parts of the territories. Basically the crown controls the army and all the provinces of nobles are just governors. A feudal system grants the nobles more autonomy; they basically act as kings in their own domains with their own armies. In times of war the king calls on his domains and all the lords call their armies and unite them to form an army.” Charlotte explained.

“Basically the Imperial style centralises more power on the king while the Feudal system grants the nobles more autonomy?” I ask.

“Yes essentially, the thing that is strange about Regus is that the government system is Imperial but it is Feudal in execution. The army answers to the king directly, but the lords provide the soldiers land and food. But the army is paid by the coin from the crown. However, the lord gets to decide how much to pay the local soldiers get. The lords essentially pay tribute to the king and the king gives them a military budget to spend on their local armies. 

This is odd as the lord technically cares for his own troops but the king pays them. I suspect it’s because the crown wants to retain control of the army without having to do any of the work maintaining said army. At least that's what it looks like on paper, as the crown technically pays the soldiers.” Charlotte explained as she furrowed her brow as if worried.

“Judging by what you’re face, this isn't a good thing?” I ask.

“No, it isn’t… because the Lords can just easily not pay the tribute, decide to pay the army out of their own pocket and then rebel. Perhaps this is counterbalanced by economic and financial reasons. I suspect the king has specialised the territories to prevent self sufficiency. So all the territories need each other to survive which will prevent secession.” Charlotte explained. 

I’m starting to get it now and judging by how the King mentioned that the Golden Mile has almost all of the nation's goldsmiths and it’s described as the economic heart of the nation I think Charlotte’s right. Putting all your eggs in one basket is dangerous.

“The Rifts are a problem then, if one domain falls to the demons then this nation is in big trouble. If we lose a main food producing domain then the other territories won’t be able to make up the shortfall. There may be a famine if that happens…” I say. 

“Exactly, this system is designed on the idea that all other parts of the system do their jobs. If one piece is ripped from the system then the system collapses. The nobles may then decide to try to self govern to protect their own interests causing a domino effect which will cause the nation to tear itself to pieces…” Charlotte said with a grimace. 

“It’s basically a system that is horrible at dealing with a crisis. It works well enough in peace time but when a real crisis hits the system can’t hold.” I say.

“I suspect so yes…” Charlotte said softly.

“I hope Filianoreh has a plan for that. If this nation is in the state that you think it is in. I don’t think the Dark God even needs to send me. The Rift’s will break the nation anyway.” I say as I furrow my brows.

“Yes… why would he send you if this was the case? No, we should abandon that entire idea…” Charlotte said as she cupped her chin.

“We’ve been thinking of this as if it’s an absolute truth but it’s not. We believed it because everyone else seems to believe it. Everyone repeats it as if it’s scripture.” Charlotte said.

“Well judging by the church of the seven it very well might be scripture.” I reply dryly.

“Well… yes I suppose… but we shouldn’t believe something because everyone else believes it. I mean you said the Dark God never told you what you are supposed to do. Why would he withhold that information if the right answer is going to be shoved in your face soon after anyway.” Charlotte said.

“He could just be screwing with me, I wouldn’t put it past him honestly.” I reply with a sigh.

“Yes but the gods have a reason for what they do. The Rifts come in cycles as far as we know so they must be trying to achieve something. Assuming that they are all knowing then they would know that we would be having this conversation. I mean you are naturally distrustful.” Charlotte said as her eyes darted all over the place as her mind spun.

“Ouch…” I reply. As Charlotte pauses and her gaze shifts back to my face.

“I didn’t mean anything by it, I understand why you lied.” Charlotte said gently as she held my hand.

“Thanks.” I say with a smile.

“Right… so… er…” Charlotte began again but she looked confused for a moment as if she lost her train of thought.

“The Dark God knows I’m distrustful.” I say helpfully as I smirk. Charlotte may be one of the smartest people I know but her mind can be easily thrown off course. It’s kind of cute honestly.

“Yes, thank you.” Charlotte said, slightly embarrassed.

“Ahem… anyway as I was saying the Dark God supposedly wants you to destroy this nation. But he sends to you a nation that is on its way to destroying itself, doesn’t tell you to destroy the nation, instead allowing the people here to tell you that you are going to do it. Even if you have no intention of destroying this world…” Charlotte said as she paused.

“Wait you aren’t lying about not knowing what you are supposed to do, right? You aren’t here to destroy this nation... right?” Charlotte said hesitantly.

“What? No! Why would I want to destroy this nation? I mean this place is a piece of shit but why would I agree to destroy a nation that I never visited?” I reply, slightly hurt at her question.

“Well you have your mission, if you were desperate enough…” Charlotte muttered.

“Charlotte… I’m sorry I lied, but you have to… No, sorry. Please believe me, I’ll never lie to you on something like this. I know you are here to save this world, I would never betray you.” I say softly as I reach up and cup her cheek.

“I know, I’m sorry...” Charlotte said softly as she leaned into my hand slightly.

“This is why I was upset about that lie… when the first breach of trust happens... things are not really the same after…” Charlotte said softly.

“I don’t know why I’m here, he never told me.” I say softly.

“If you were willing to come here without even knowing the price. Wouldn’t that mean you would be willing to do anything? What if the Dark God did ask you to destroy this nation? Would you have agreed?” Charlotte asked.

“I don’t know… but I do know I… I wouldn’t have been able to kill people en masse… and I even if I was willing that was the me back then. I just lost my whole platoon, everything I had left was just gone when the Dark God took me. At the time I just wanted to join them in the afterlife, but…” I say as my mouth goes dry. This is the part that I’m the most afraid to say, because it would admit that I’m willing to go on a killing spree to save my friends.

“But?” Charlotte asked.

“The Dark God offered to turn back time and send me back to when the war first started. He offered to let me keep my powers that I would get here when I return. I would be given the chance to save my friends, my home…” I say softly.

“But that would mean… you are only one person, the only way you would be able to stop the war would be to…” Charlotte said as her eyes widened as the realization struck her.

“Yeah, I would need to kill a lot of people. I agreed when I had nothing left, but now I don’t know if I want to go back…” I say softly. 

This problem has been nagging at the back of my mind for awhile. I don’t know if I want to go back anymore, back there it’s just death and suffering. A cold world that only knows war and murder. Here things are better, I have Charlotte…

I know it’s selfish, I know if I don’t go back I’m condemning everyone back home, I would be deserting them…

But if I do go back I would leave Charlotte and everyone else, they’ll be fine hopefully but… I would be leaving them…

Is it that wrong that I want to leave all that behind? I know I can’t do that… but still the temptation is… powerful...

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave you but I can’t not go back either.” I say softly. 

Idly I remember what Shuji told me once, he said duty comes easy when it doesn’t cost you anything. I’m feeling the full weight of those words now. 

“I don’t want you to go back…” Charlotte said softly.

“I know it sounds selfish but I just don’t want to see you go back and just spend the rest of your life chasing revenge and...” Charlotte said but she faltered as her body seemed to slump.

“Maybe… maybe I am being selfish. I don’t know…” Charlotte said.

“You know... no one says it can’t be both.” I say as Charlotte looks up. 

Charlotte paused as her eyes shimmered before averting her gaze downwards. She sits quietly for a minute as if lost in thought. Then I see her gaze seemingly flicker and she looks back at me, her eyes clearer and shining with a new strength.

“My mother said most people either do the right thing for the wrong reasons or they do the wrong thing for the right reasons. Often I ask myself why can’t we do the right thing for the right reason? ” Charlotte asked.

“Because life is rarely so kind to give us that choice. If we decide to do that, we will have to give up something that we can not part with.” I reply.

“So will you go back and do the wrong thing for the right reason? Or will you stay here and do the right thing for the wrong reason?” Charlotte asked.

That’s the question isn’t it? Stay here and live with the hope of a peaceful life. No more killing and murder but condemn my friends and country to death and destruction. The wrong thing for the right reason. 

Or I could go back and slaughter countless souls across the world. To save my friends and nation. Do the wrong thing for the right reason…

“I don’t know.” I reply.

“Then give me an answer when you’re ready. Just promise you will tell me one day.” Charlotte said as she took my hand.

“Promise… then what about us? I mean we would be doing this thing between us without any guarantee I will stay to see it through. Are you ok with that?” I ask as I gaze into Charlotte’s sapphire eyes.

“I am.” Charlotte said with a small smile.

“Why?” I croak out as I furrow my brows.

Why would someone agree to something like this? Why would someone even be willing to do something like this? I’m basically telling her that I might choose my own personal vendetta over her.

“Because I know you’ll make the right choice in the end. You will tear yourself up over your choice no matter what. Your answer is your truth. There isn’t an absolute truth in this world even if we try so hard to find it. There is no right answer, there is no one truth...” Charlotte said.

“There’s only the truth that belongs to me.” I say as I remember what Hope said in the temple to the priestess. Charlotte paused and smiled with a nod after hearing my words.

“The Life God asked me if I was willing to save this world. All this time I’ve wondered what she wanted me to do. I’ve always been insecure, afraid of making mistakes. Hope always told me to believe in myself and told me again just now…” Charlotte said as she reached up and cupped my cheek.

“But I just realised that what the Life God wants doesn’t matter. I chose to come here, and I get to choose who I want to save, who I want to help. I know it’s arrogant to think that I could save you, but I want to at least try to help. To help you find your truth.” Charlotte said as her hand left my cheek and clasped my hand.

“I have faith you will find your truth.” Charlotte said.

“I wish I shared your faith.” I say as I looked down but I felt Charlotte’s hand raise my chin until I’m looking at her again.

“Remember what I said? I’ll believe for you.” Charlotte said gently.

“Thanks Charlotte.” I say as I pulled her into a hug and she nestled herself into my chest.

“You know this isn’t the best foundation for a relationship.” I say I look down.

“Well the nation we are trying to save is also built like a house of cards. So you could almost say it’s poetic.” Charlotte said as she looked up from my chest.

“I don’t know where you get all this hope from. I just get by using grim nihilism.” I reply thoughtfully.

“The world may be broken but that doesn’t mean we have to make ourselves miserable.” Charlotte said.

“Yeah I guess…” I reply softly absentmindedly, just enjoying the feeling of Charlotte’s warmth against my body.

“I suppose it’s official now, I guess you’re my boyfriend now.” Charlotte said with a shy smile.

“Yeah I guess so.” I reply with a smile. We just stayed like this for awhile as we just enjoyed each other’s company.

“Can I sing you a song?” Charlotte asked suddenly.

“Huh? Err yeah sure. Why the sudden offer?” I ask.

“I just suddenly remembered a song that is a good fit for our current circumstances.” Charlotte said.

“In what way?” I ask curiously.

“Like how you are willing to try to believe and me willing to try to believe in you. Like you daring to seek the light and I’m daring to plunge into the night.” Charlotte said.

“Takes two hands to clap.” I say with a smirk.

“As it should be.” Charlotte said with a smile of her own.

“So are you going to stand up or something?” I ask.

“No, I can do it from here. I just want you to hear it anyway.” Charlotte said.

“Then take it away madame.” I say jokingly as I watched Charlotte crack another smile. 

She took in a breath and began to sing…

 

Should you take one more step?

Should you wait and regret?

Fall behind

Live half a life

Should you leap off the edge?

Breath in hold your breath

Take a dive 

Into the light

For I believe in something more

More than miracles

More than miracles

Should I find my own way?

Should I stop and hit the brakes?

Keep in line 

Live half alive

Should I force playing safe?

Should I fight seize the day?

Take a dive 

Into the night

Because I believe in something more

More than miracles

More than miracles...